House Spirits

I’ve always wondered about whether house spirits are something I should work with. When I was younger, living in an old Victorian house, I would have. It would have made sense then. We had a bit of property with the house, and it would have made sense to offer something to the spirits of the house. But, moving into a newer house, I never was quite sure how that worked out. I’ve still yet to reconcile how I feel about houses say in a new development. Perhaps I would have to invite a house spirit in. That might be something to consider, an event I’m not sure about as of yet.

Now though, I’m living in an apartment (well, will be living in after graduation). I don’t know about house spirits in apartments. I don’t know about experience in that type of situation. Do house spirits work in apartments? That’s something that I don’t know about. I mean…I can see how it might work, but then again, I’m not completely sure. There are situations where I could see having the support and also help of house spirits as being a good thing. But then, working with them, I know that times they can be very temperamental sorts. So I’m not sure that I want to open that kind of relationship, or invite them into my house, without being very certain of the sorts that I’ll be having into my house.

And, since my mom isn’t really a fan of these sorts of things…I need to be a bit careful. I mean, she just thinks that it isn’t really real. She respects my beliefs in paganism, but she’s just not a believer at all. It has to be careful then for me, that I don’t cause a problem for her while I’m doing anything in our apartment.

So house spirits are a bit of an interesting thing for me. I’m still trying to work out the logistics of whether I should deal with them, considering my roommate/mother is not involved with anything to do with witchcraft or paganism. I do want to respect her wishes and boundaries, but I am interested in seeing if house spirits are useful for my practice.

Butterflies and the Soul

Butterflies fall under the broad category for me of “bugs”, or those creatures that are icky and bug-ish that I dislike. Now, they aren’t as bad as spiders (I’m severely arachnophobia, as in, I have a full-blown panic attack if anyone even mentions the damned things around me, or even jokes about them being in a room), but I don’t like bugs or insects at all. Insects bother me. Flying ones, crawling ones, walking ones, squirming ones…they all bother me. I don’t even like butterflies. Even though people say I should, since they’re, and I quote “pretty”.

But, even if they are “pretty” bugs/insects/whatever the technical term is, I don’t like them. I never have. Butterflies remind me of moths, and moths remind me of mothballs, and mothballs remind me of dust, and dust collects in webs, and webs are spider webs. And word-associations of any kind with insects lead me inevitably to spiders. Ugh.

Sorry, that got me off-track. Now back on topic again.

Glasswing Butterfly

I remember reading somewhere, when I began researching mythology and folklore creatures, that in eastern Europe they thought something different about souls than in western Europe. I was reading about vampires in folklore, and the forms they could take. Of course, I had been reading Dracula by Bram Stoker, and Dracula, the great vampire of the night, took the form of a bat, a wolf, a mist in the night. And Stoker did do research into superstition and folklore of different regions of Europe when writing his book. I mean, the garlic, the iron stakes, the cutting off the heads of the dead…that isn’t all hokum that he made up off the top of his head. Nor are the times of day of power, or the strengths of the vampire, Dracula. The mythology and powers, the legends of the vampire that he attributes to Dracula, his brides, and the vampire lore within Dracula are all rather correct, so Stoker did do at least some research into traditional stereotypes of the time before he put pen to paper, metaphorically speaking.

But I remember reading somewhere that in eastern Europe they believed that it was a different form that “vampires” took in eastern Europe. I believe that it was an article or a book I was reading, said that vampires could take the form of a butterfly in Slavic regions/cultures & folklore, because of something to do with wandering human souls after death. And legends in different regions of Europe differed quite vastly, depending on where one came from. The problem is, I was 7 when I read Dracula, and at 7 I took no real interest in writing down the books or articles names or authors that I was reading all this stuff from. Because, it was all just curiosity. I wasn’t really interested in all the background information about the superstitions, just that there had been research, or even interesting superstitions and cultural traditions that had given Stoker his ideas was interesting enough for me.

So now, 10+ years later, I’m not sure if I’m making up this whole butterflies as an imagining of the dead soul thing or not. Because I can’t find anything academic to confirm my remembering of the reading or not.

But, it always has stuck for me. And so now, years later, I can’t help but imagine that butterflies are souls. Not that every physical butterfly is a soul, that would be beyond insane in my worldview. But…it’s kind of a symbolic thing for me. I can see butterflies as human souls symbolically, more so than I can really see a wolf or a bat as being one after death. I can’t really explain why, there’s no genuine reason, or explainable edge as to why, it just seems to make more sense to me, and it has ever since I read Dracula. Which also sounds awful. Because then it sounds like I say that I think butterflies can represent the human soul because I remember reading it while researching the fictional novel written by Stoker, and it came up that way. And of course, it has some potential ties to vampire folklore. So all the mystical woo-woo factor comes out for that too.

None of that really matters to me.

See, I don’t believe in vampires as such. Never have. Sure, when I was little, I wanted Dracula to be real, because I really wanted my favorite novel to be true (what kid doesn’t? I wanted Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings to be true too). I wanted Harker, van Helsing, Seward, Mina, Quincey and the lot of them to have “rid” the world of his evil. Though that’s an issue in and of itself depending on how you read the Victorian-era novel, but that’s really another blog post. In any case, I never really believed that vampires truly existed.

So I don’t really connect vampires with butterfly-transformation. I connect perhaps butterflies as a potential symbol of the human soul, and perhaps that connects due to an initial reading of Dracula and critiques of Stoker’s research or whatever. Something just kind of stuck in my head back then, telling me that it was correct, that I was right to have the association. It’s stuck with me, and it’s always been right and correct for me to view things this way. I suppose that’s my UPG on butterflies and souls. Because it’s totally unverifiable and I know that it isn’t really a normal thing to have as a connection, but it’s always been stuck in my head, that little voice that tells me I’m right to see it this way.

Always fun when something I dislike (bugs/butterflies) gets attached to something I happen to like (souls).

D – Devoting to a Deity

I know quite a few pagans devote themselves to a deity, or to multiple deities.

I used to be very jealous of that, and to wish that some deity out there would show interest in me, reach out to me, or I would feel super connected to any deity, to have a connection. I figured, if I could have that kind of connection, it would make my practice more real, more acceptable in general. When I first started out, way back when I was still a preteen/young teen, I expected that some deity would just come and pick me, because quite a few pagans online write that it happened like that for them. I mean, lots of stories of how god X or goddess Y came to them in a vision, or through signs, and basically said “you’re mine”, or “you’re going to work with me”. I thought that if I could have that happen, I would have something far more real, because that was how it happened for lots of other people online.

Of course, now I’ve gotten beyond that, as I don’t really feel the need to judge my relationships with the divine based on anyone else and theirs. Still, every so often I do sometimes wish I got signs like other people. I think that’s normal human nature to every so often wish to have the same things that others have.

Still, there is one thing about devotion to deities that always sticks out to me. And that is the sheer level of commitment it would entail. I mean, I can’t imagine what it would take, and I know that devotion to deity sometimes calls for major sacrifice on the part of the devotee. I don’t know if I want to be that much entwined to any one being.

This would all probably stem from my own personal fear of commitment. I’m afraid to commit to normal relationships, because of the results that might occur (that’s a whole story in and of itself), and therefore, I’m pretty sure that I’m also afraid of committing to anything that would be an even more binding relationship than one with another human being. See, I had a really bad, unhealthy relationship in high school, pretty early on, where my boyfriend wanted me to do things that I wasn’t really comfortable with and pressured me into them. Being rather young, I pretty much let him pressure me into things. And I had other bad relationships, not just boyfriends, but with friends, family, etc etc. So I’m extremely leery of entering into any relationships with other people. I’m afraid of committing to people that could possibly hurt my feelings later down the line.

And I suspect that if I was devoted to a god or goddess, that would have an even higher potential for emotional upsets down the line. And if I’m getting myself involved in anything like that, I suspect that it would drag too many things up that I don’t want and am not prepared to deal with. I know I need to deal with my commitment issues – and I plan to, but I have absolutely no plans to deal with them by committing myself to a god or goddess. I’m sure it is far more healthy for me to deal with commitment issues in the normal realm of human beings with a shrink, rather than pledging myself to a deity of some sorts who will ask things of me that might test my sanity in ways that I might not be able to handle.

Also, I am aware that devotion is something I might never be ready for. After all, there are pagans out there who make offerings to gods and goddesses without devoting themselves to any. At the moment that is appealing to me. It allows me to work with the gods, spirits, and whosoever I choose, without forcing me into relationships I am not ready to commit to. I can still be involved, and show that I honor them, and am working, without unduly committing to anything that I cannot honor. That is a good way to work for me now, and a way that I can accept, and that I believe I can sustain. Also, there were probably many ancient peoples who offered offerings to many gods. I doubt that devotion was common to most people, as it was probably the job of a select few people in the community.

Most importantly for me, I don’t feel the need to devote myself. I don’t feel that I should devote myself. And for my own sanity and health I can’t devote myself to any god, goddess or spirit right now, so I certainly shouldn’t attempt to try it. I’m sure that some would probably accept it if I tried, but it would not be in anyone’s best interest. So I won’t attempt it at all. I’m better off not doing it while I’m not comfortable in even normal human relationships at the moment. I’d be better off getting more comfortable in human relationships before I begin to even consider joining into any sort of devotional relationship with the divine.

C – Curses

This needs a page break, as it is rather long. I’m discussing experience, my personal thoughts, and a few confusions I have. Again, this is all my personal opinions, not anyone else.

I remember reading online somewhere, it must have been a forum I was a part of, that magic required intent to be performed/enacted. Nothing more, and nothing less. The rest of it was all trappings, sure it helped, but the intent was the part that was important, above all else. So, in the case of curses, curse-jars, physical manifestations, etc…all of that was, well optional to this person’s opinion. Nice to have, and very useful for directing attention/focus, but not necessary in the slightest for practice or craft.

Alcohol

I’m slightly drunk. It’s a first for me. And I’ll chalk it up to the bartender thinking me and my friend are cute, and probably hoping for a good tip. Because this restaurant’s bar never makes their drinks this strong. They are always severely watered down on the alcohol front for drinks. We went because it was “happy hour” and we were getting cheaper drinks. And I only drank 2. Granted, I drink pretty vodka-heavy drinks, and in under 1.5 hours, that’s pretty bad, but add in the drinks being alcohol-heavy, and that makes me drunk. Plus, I didn’t eat a very good dinner. Snack food at 3pm does not a real dinner make, nor does some bread sticks qualify as real dinner either.

But, it did get me thinking just now. I realize, for the first time ever (I’ve never been drunk in my life), why people might drink as part of life. I mean…being a bit inhibition-less is nice. It’s freeing. It kind of opens the mind to new possibilities and makes me feel a bit happier to try new things, and think about new things. And it makes me feel a bit calmer, less worried and stressed out. That’s a huge deal for me, because usually I’m thinking of 20 things at once.

So, I’m going to consider using alcohol (1 drink methinks) as part of ritual in my future practice. Not getting drunk. But, I get the feeling that an occasional drink for ritual, or honoring the gods, or perhaps ancestors, if I ever choose to make that part of my practice, is a good idea.

I will of course revisit this idea when I’m sober (say tomorrow afternoon/evening) and evaluate. But, I think it’s a good idea. After all, alcohol is part of some religious practices, so it’s not without precedence for me to consider this.

Musings

Either early-morning or late-night (depending on the point of view). I’ve been awake since 12 midnight my time, as I fell asleep during the evening instead by accident. So by perspective, it’s either really late or really early to be up and writing another blog post. I suppose I tend to go for late-night times anyway. I’m a night-owl by nature, and the polar opposite of a “morning person”. Of course, I also do my best homework during late hours like this. I just turned in my final philosophy paper for my J-Term class (Military Ethics), which I’m eternally grateful to be done with. The class was just awful and drawn-out. Which might also explain why my sleep schedule is so messed up right now.

In any case, it gives me time to think and muse on my spirituality. After a month of discussing the ethics and morality of various military issues has gotten me thinking about my own beliefs. Not in terms of what I think about warfare, terrorism, torture, etc. Because my opinions on those haven’t changed at all through class. I’ve gotten to see other sides to the debates, but I’m still of the same mindset as I was when classes began. Since I go to a private Christian university, quite a few students are Christian. So constantly in class they would bring up “God says do X” or “God says we should do Y”, constantly bringing up their faith. I think that’s rather great, being that confident, but it does grate when we’re discussing secular morality to have religion brought up what seems like every 15 seconds.

It did get me thinking though. Because they had something deliberate to appeal to. I’m not possessing of that. Of course, I also have quite an interesting perspective on morality (according to my class at least). Still, I realized that I don’t have much of the same kind of confidence in just saying, “Well God says ____”, or even in the pagan perspective, “Pantheon X looks at it like this.” I got lambasted a bit for being totally secular in class, constantly putting away the religious observations. But I’ve realized, now that class is over, that I did that mostly because I didn’t have a way to explain to a class full of Christian or Christian-raised students exactly what my worldview was, on a moral inclusive, group-determined scale. Because I haven’t actually dealt with the question of what exactly I am.

I mean…specifically what flavor of pagan I happen to be. The class made me realize that I hadn’t ever really thought that through fully. And so, my recourse in class was to play secular devil’s advocate (oh the hilarity of that statement). Then, realizing that I hadn’t really thought of it, well, that got my mind spinning tonight while I’m awake and should be sleeping.

Side note: I seriously think I do my best thinking in the middle of the night when I should be asleep.

See, I stated a few months ago, that I was intending to research Norse, Slavic and Celtic mythology, or I guess more correctly, continue on my prior paths, but be more rigorous in the studying. But, I’ve realized that clinging to Celtic is just because that was my introduction to paganism. It doesn’t resonate with me very much, though I still find it fascinating. I appreciate the mythology and folklore, but it is not, I have the distinct impression, what I’m meant to be focusing on. That’s something that I’m coming to terms with, and accepting. It did take me quite a while to get that message though, which I also have the impression is probably a relief now that I’m not trying to force anything that I’m not meant to be a part of. And Norse mythology is fascinating, but I think my interest in that was because it has been very popular and the names constantly crop up. Again, nothing wrong with that at all, and I do still enjoy reading some of the Eddas, because there are very interesting things to be learned from reading them, just as there are from reading Celtic stories as well.

I’ve been getting a push to look into Slavic mythology and folklore. Not just because I’m interested in it (which I am, quite intensely interested in it all), but because it is the right path for me now. I figure, I should stop being stubborn and do the looking, because it can only help me. Also, I had to come to realize that trying to research into 3 pantheons all at once was just far too much, it was going to cause a strain on my mind and abilities. I can take quite a while to learn lessons, I admit. This one took me almost the last year to figure out, along with tracings of the last few years. If I focus on what it seems I’m supposed to right now, I think it will help me quite a bit more than stretching myself and trying to research into multiple areas.

There are a few things that tweak my interest, issues that I need to resolve for my own benefit. But this ethics/morality class did remind me that I hadn’t even really considered what I was. I mean, broad overview terms like witch and pagan are fine, and they are technically accurate. But, without really considering what I really am, they’re generalizations. Especially on the “pagan” front. I had not put any serious thought into that name for myself. And these musings made me realize that I really did need to think more about what I really am.

I hesitate to say I’m a Slavic pagan, because I still don’t know enough (though in all honesty I’ll always think that, since I constantly want to know more).

But, at the moment I have the distinct impression that I’m supposed to be learning more about this mythology. And if I’m getting those nudges to look in this particular direction, then I think it’s about time I follow the nudges and listen to the advice. After all, following advice should not do more damage than my proverbial mucking around in the dark over the last few years. I have the time and freedom to do my research after all, in my own space, so I should take advantage of this all. The prodding I’ve gotten in this direction is actually the first real “sign” per say that I’ve ever received, or at least that I’ve been able to determine as a sign. So I should follow the sign if it actually appears for me.

B – Balance

So I’m a bit late (sorry, school/family is hectic).

However, balance. I’m continuing a bit off my last post (Medication and Spirituality), because it seems prudent to do so. And I want to, so that’s most important. It follows along with how my mind and mental state have been lately, so I’m going to write along as I see fit.

Getting myself all balanced out mentally is important to me. I don’t much care what other people think about my mental state and whether I should be a practicing witch, or a pagan petitioning deities if I choose. Other people’s opinions on that aren’t worth my time, because they don’t know what I’m going through. I have to work with what makes sense to me, and how I believe is best, and what the clues my system has given me over the years. All the clues and signs show me that what I am doing has not offended anyone/thing yet, so I think that at least on that front I’ve found something that works for me. So I’m coming to where I don’t listen to what others have to say about what I must do. Still, for my own sake, I want balance. And by that I don’t mean a duality, or a dichotomy or any sort of traditional meaning of the word.

For me balance is being level, being happy and confident with myself. It means having a level of emotions that isn’t swinging between extremes and not feeling depressed most of the time. It means me being comfortable in my own skin and with who I am. Because I’ve finally come to accept that I am not going to be what a normal person is, not with my mental health what it is. For me, being “normal” is never going to happen. It is not in the cards for me, that much is clear just from my mental makeup and the way I’ve been raised. I had to come to terms with those facts. I might be able to pretend, to act normal, and at times, acting is important.

But, balance for me is being myself. It is accepting who I am and working with what the gods have given me. That means, I’m working with a mental framework quite outside the ordinary. I’ve been fighting that thought for quite some time. It’s only very recently that I’ve begun to accept that I need to be myself before I can really work as either witch or pagan. If I’m fighting myself on who and what I am, I’m not in balance or able to do what I need to. Accepting that I have flaws, and that my mental health is considered (by society) totally wrong, is something I’m working with. There are some good points to my mental health, and good days, where I do better. Those are good days. But balance for me is working through the worse times, dealing with myself and my health when I’m not at my best.

I enjoy finding this balance, actually. Finding ways to keep the balance is forcing me to be creative. I have the “mundane” (I still need a better word for this) points all covered, and I’m working on those with my doctor for my health. But, on a spiritual level, I have to get creative at times. Because some things I read will just not work for me, they are not part of how my mind works and functions, they would throw what balance I have out the window. I enjoy the challenge of finding ways to continue to find balance though. It helps me see myself in a positive light, which is something I’ve never much been able to do throughout my life. So finding balance is helping me in my normal, day-to-day life as well, even if the intended purpose is to help my spiritual life, it carries over into making me feel just overall better on the self-esteem front.

Balance is just a rather new concept for me though. I’m just beginning to figure it all out in all facets of my life. I’m sure I’ll make mistakes and mess it up, but at least I’ve begun to find a framework to work with to keep myself in balance in most cases.

Medication and Spirituality

So my medications seem to be working (a few months out now). This is quite good news, and I’m sensing an upwards trend in my mood. I’m not in the ever-depressed state that is my normal. And I’m sleeping for the first time in my whole life, quality sleep that is actually leaving me not feeling tired. Pretty much, I’m counting this as a win. Since I’m feeling better, with more energy, I’m actually quite thrilled that my life seems to be evening out somewhat.

Still, I’m cautious. Medications have always stopped working for me in the past. I don’t want to get too optimistic about this treatment working, and then have it fail on me again, as the others have all inevitably done. I like being on the level and feeling good, happy-ish again. But still, I’m very cautious about what is going to happen in the next few months. I have a tolerance or something to medications, or my mental disorders tend to be treatment resistant to a more or less greater extent. So until this method seems to work outwards of a year, I’m going to be skeptical of exactly how useful it is for the long term.

I want to be optimistic about everything, to just believe that it’s all going to work out without fail. That hasn’t been the case in the past though, and I don’t like being burned per say, so I’m leaning on the side of over-cautious.

My medications though, since I’m finally finding a level again, I have new questions arising in my head. After all, if it requires medical treatment for me to remain emotionally and mentally level, then I wonder how much I can trust anything that I do. Can I trust what I see or hear, what I work on, if I can’t even have my own mind in solid, stable peace without medical intervention? Not that I’m delusional or I hallucinate, I don’t do that, even off my meds, but I am curious as to how the medications in my system might affect my experiences. I wonder if they might cloud my ability to contact deity, or to fully participate. But then I shake those thoughts off. Because no one is perfect. And my issues are just strong enough in a chemical unbalance that I need some extra help.

That doesn’t mean that I should distrust everything I encounter. Or at least, I believe it doesn’t.

I’m careful about what I believe and accept. I judge it all against the litmus test of reasonable expectation, lore and the broader experiences of the “pagan community”. Also, I know what I’m like at my worst, what my mind is like, so I think I have a pretty good handle on telling if my mind is making things up to deal with situations. After all, who better than me now (more stable), to judge what I have gone through and whether my own experiences are valid or not?

I’m sure if I needed to, I could always find ways to check against what I think. After all, the scholar in me does not like to be wrong, and so I do lots of research and checks. I don’t think that I would be any less careful in my workings, because I’m that cautious in my daily life. After all, after years of having to pretend at “normal” to fit in, I know what things should be like. In terms of my religious beliefs it is more difficult, far less of a “normal” to be compared to, but the same basic caution that I have in my non-magic life should serve me just as well.

Basically, I’ve come to the conclusion that my medications are helpful. (Of course they are, or I wouldn’t be taking them, I mean helpful beyond the diagnosed purpose of my taking them) Knowing what it’s like to be on an even keel helps me to act and think more calmly, to learn more and understand more about the world around me. If that weren’t a good thing, I don’t know what could be considered so. The medication I’m on helps me feel more myself, and being more comfortable in my own skin makes it easier for me to work in general with regards to spirituality.

Pagan Blog Project – aka a Commitment

So, I’m committing myself to this for 2013. But, because I know myself, I’m going to be busy. Therefore, I had an idea that someone had mentioned I think on Tumblr that they would want to do with it. So I’m going to post 1 time per letter as my commitment, and then I’ll do a second post (like you’re supposed to) if I have the time. Plus, I’m awful with letters and my alphabet, when I need to come up with new ideas, so I’m going to try this out for the new year.

I figure though, if I commit to only 1 post per a letter to start, and then take on the secondary post as a “bonus”, well that will be quite doable for me. And if I don’t overwhelm myself I do feel quite better about everything that I’m doing. Not being overwhelmed is key to not stressing out, and myself not stressing out is key to my mental health remaining on a more even keel, which is a major goal for 2013.

Now that gives me a goal to work towards with posts, on top of anything that I generally want to post on my own time and wishes. So I’ll figure out a way to make it obvious when I’m posting these posts, perhaps starting off with the letter itself. Like “A – ____” or “H – ____” for the titles. I’ll figure that out for the first post when it comes along. In the meantime, just wanted everyone to know what I was going to be up to.

Short version of this whole post: I’ll post 1 time for each letter, on the 1st week of each letter, and if I have enough time for a second post for the letter, I’ll post on the 2nd week as well. But I’m only committing to post for 1 time per letter, for sake of my own sanity. That way I have some more time to do research if I want to, or to at least think about what I want to post about for a bit more time. It also gives me the option to wait until the 2nd week to post on my topic, if I need the extra time.

Info for PBP 2013 here.

An Interesting Little Thought

That’s perhaps only interesting for me. (But then again, that’s why I write this whole blog, so screw it ) I’m taking a break from some homework that I should be doing. I’m overwhelmed. 2 majors is beyond crazy, as are 2 major research papers in 1 term I might add. However, I suppose I’ve always been a bit crazy in terms of studying, so that’s that.

However, I realized something, an hour ago and it’s been stuck in my head, and it won’t go away, so I’m going to write it down now, and hope that gets me back on track. Because, clearly my personality type (or more than likely my mental disorder — if I’m honest with myself here) doesn’t let me focus on things once something has caught my attention. So, I’m going to write it, and then get back to the grindstone of college life.

So, in my study of paganism, I’ve gotten onto the trail of Slavic deities. Which is both fascinating and by turns immensely frustrating. Because I love learning about them, and learning about things from my family’s heritage, but on the other hand, there’s comparatively little research in languages I can read that’s reliable. Of course this further fuels my desire that I will be learning Russian as my next language, then probably Czech. But that’s a ramble. In any case, just knowing English, I am very cautious, because there’s a lot of Quatsch out there, just like there is for other paths.

But, I do know, from my learning, that one Slavic deity is known for being related to magic. Which of course sticks in my head, because well, it’s interesting. And, I suppose, most people tend to, when I explain what I practice, the first word they come up with is “magic”. So, fun connection for me. It kind of makes me smile. Not that I’m thinking I’m going to go out and dedicate myself to a god yet, I’m not near secure enough in my knowledge to do that, and I don’t really feel mentally/emotionally ready enough for that right now. But, I figure, since I keep getting this kind of connection popping up in my “real life” (i.e. offline), perhaps there’s something to this. I need to do more research obviously, and I’m still trying to sort out the difference from obvious later Christian-mythos overlays that paint this god as the devil, but it’s fun research. I enjoy doing the research after all.

It’s just something that’s been kind of “bothering” me in real life lately. Bothering isn’t the right word of course, just kind of prodding at me, kind of like ‘hey, pay attention’, or just, do some research kind of bothering. Not nuisance bothering at all. And it’s been just rather amusing that lately a few friends, when asked about my attempts at my knot-magic bracelets (I’ll have to post photos next week when my camera has batteries again), were calling it “magic” without my even using any words to bring up the connotation. Then of course, without my using the word witch at all, just explaining that I’m a pagan, and that I’m not pagan, and that I do spells on occasion, I’m getting the word “magic” thrown around. It used to be “witchcraft” all the time. Lately it’s magic. Fun change.

So I dunno. Might just be coincidence. And if it is, oh well. It’ll prove a fun little diversion. If not, well then maybe I’m getting some little sign that I need to wake up and pay attention.