Pagan Blog Prompt: The Broom Closet

Pagan Blog Prompts: The Broom Closet

Are you in or out of the proverbial “Broom Closet”?
Do those around you know of your religion/faith/beliefs?
Or is your pagan-nature something you have to hide?

Obviously, if you are in the closet, you don’t have to write about it in your own blog. I don’t mean to force anyone to come out. Some people however, are open about this online but have to keep things under wraps in the ‘real world’. If that is the case for you, we’d like to hear about how you handle it.

So I’m open to all of this. And it’s a fun thing to look back on for me, considering how far I think I’ve come since I first told anyone I was a witch/pagan.

I’m fully out of the “broom closet” per say. My family all thinks I’m going through a “phase”, one that I’ll grow out of, but they all know (it’s still a phase even after all these years…go figure). Most of my friends know too. I’m sure my friends all think I’m a bit crazy (except the one friend who is pagan themselves, but that’s a different matter), but they pretty much accept me for who I am. I have lost some friends for my beliefs, and in high school when I went through my somewhat militant phase I faced far more trouble for it. Now that I’ve matured and grown up, it’s easier. I’m out about it all, and I don’t really make any point of being shy about my beliefs either. I don’t hide it at all. After all my beliefs are a part of who I am, just like they are for my Christian, atheist, agnostic, Buddhist, Hindu, Islamic or undecided friends.

However, I’m not loud about my beliefs and my pagan self. It took me a long time to learn the difference between being “out” and being “loud”. See, in high school I was somewhat militant (you can look back at 1, 2, 3, initial postings of my path if you want the long version of how I got to where I am now. #2 is the one about high school) about how I dealt with people around me. After all, to my young self, I thought, if Christians could go around being boldly out there about their beliefs, I could do the same, and if I freaked out people by being the scary “witch chick”, well that was a bonus. I’ve learned a lot since then, and I learned that there’s a huge difference between loud like I was in high school and such, and being proud of who I am (what I thought I was being), while still being dignified.

For me now, religion, spirituality, belief, faith…all of that is personal. I discuss mine freely with anyone who asks, if I feel comfortable with that person. However, I am still of the opinion that it is personal. I think, for myself personally, being proud of who you are, and being proud of your beliefs/spirituality, does not require screaming it from the rooftops. I learned that lesson after leaving high school, and so I changed. I was “loud” in high school. Since I screamed my “pagan-ness” from the rooftops at that time, there was never a chance of my hiding it. I always was out of the “broom closet” so to say. It isn’t always comfortable. I have lost some friends due to my beliefs, even if that has been rare since leaving the awful atmosphere of juvenile hijinks and delinquency that is high school and the cesspool that it breeds. Still though, I never hid who I was.

However, I am not loud anymore. I am open. If someone asks, I won’t lie. If I’m asked about my church, I state that I’m not Christian and I don’t go to church. If I’m asked further, I explain what I am. If I’m not asked, I don’t bring it up. I don’t feel the need to scream my beliefs anymore. I’m settled down. It’s not a matter of attention for myself at this point. So now, I make it a non-issue. If it comes up in conversation, I’m bluntly honest (with me, there is no other way). If it doesn’t come up in conversation, then it is a non-entity as far as I’m concerned. There’s no reason to bring up my beliefs if it isn’t already a discussion topic.

So it’s a strange journey for me. I’m out, definitely out about my beliefs. I don’t hide what I think or believe. But, I’m also not looking for attention for it. If it comes up, I’m honest and I share. If it doesn’t, I just don’t mention it. After all, it really is no one’s business but my own, my significant other, and whoever I want to share with what my path happens to be.

Pagan Blog Prompt: Bare Feet

Pagan Blog Prompts: Bare Feet

How do you feel about going barefoot?

Do you? When, how? Where? And of course, why?

Sunfire’s bare feet at Silver Falls, WA in July ’09

Ooh, fun things. And a photo from Washington state, which I love.

But, on topic now, of course.

I hate shoes. I always have. I go barefoot whenever I possibly can. I usually run all summer and most of fall without shoes, until it gets too cold. Or if there’s construction I wear shoes, but that’s a safety concern. I love not having shoes constricting my feet in the slightest. It’s great to just walk around and not have to worry about putting on shoes or what will fit, or go with clothes, etc. I enjoy the freedom of just walking around, no concern whatsoever for shoes or anything like that.

So pretty much whenever and wherever I want to, I don’t wear shoes. It’s easier, and more comfortable for me. Of course, I have freakishly narrow feet, which makes buying shoes difficult, which probably partially inspired my love of going without. Because it’s always more comfortable to be barefoot than to wear shoes that hurt. But it’s also just that I enjoy the freedom of walking about without shoes on. I do follow a safety aspect though. I never go barefoot near construction. If there’s any danger of my getting hurt, I wear sturdy shoes. Outside of that though, I go without as often as I possibly can.

There’s really no spiritual reason for it. I’m not huge on woods, or outdoorsy stuff when it comes to my paganism. I can appreciate nature. And after living in the Black Forest practically (or rather, right on its doorstep), I really do love forests, trees, and the wonderful scenery that they provide. However, I’m still a city girl and I don’t like to be out in nature for too long. I’m more comfortable near conveniences. So it’s never been a matter of “getting closer to nature” as to why I go barefoot. I’ve just always done it, and I’m most comfortable that way, so I suppose that’s why I’ve always been barefoot for as long as I possibly can be.

Pagan Blog Prompt: Blue Moon

Pagan Blog Prompts: Blue Moon:

This weekend marks the full moon, the second in the month of August. When this happens, people refer to it as a Blue Moon. They say there is a lot of powerful energy in a Blue Moon, moreso than the usual full moon.

What does the Blue Moon mean to you?

Will it affect your magic or alter your perception in any way?

How will you use it, if at all?

I’m going to combine my original thoughts with the answer to this prompt. Because I like both, and I’m going to do it this way for fun.

So original thoughts:

So am I the only one not excited about it? I’m sure I can’t be, but it sure feels like it. I’m definitely not even sure that it’s anything more than a modern invention. I know I read somewhere in a history text for class that it used to be 13 lunar months in a year, at least in some cultures, and the Church in Rome decided to make it 12 solar for some reason or another. I can’t remember the text or what class it was for (the scholar in me is cringing at the lack of remembrance I must admit), but I do remember reading it.

And what’s so special about a 2nd full moon in a modern calendar month, when the months are all wonky in length anyway? We have 30-day, 31-day and one 28-day (occasionally 29-day) months. So then, why all the hoopla about a 2nd one in a month? It’s bound to happen. And our calendar system is inaccurate, as evinced by the need for a leap year with an extra day to make up for the discrepancies between how time actually moves, etc and how we measure it. So the “blue moon” just seems like more modern contrivance to me.

I don’t really think there’s much special about full-moon or new-moon or any of it. I don’t think that you have to practice certain forms of magic at certain times of month for them to be most successful. I just think that it’s a bunch of culturally ingrained superstition as to the lot of it. I mean…the whole “crazies come out on the full moon” has been around for so long that I don’t think most people even know where the trope comes from. And if I remember my Classics prof’s lecture correctly, lunacy comes from lunar, which has to do with the moon of course. So there’s that. But I think that it’s a bunch of superstition, this whole magical properties to the moon.

Basically, the “blue moon” doesn’t mean anything to me. Just like a regular full moon doesn’t mean a whole lot to me either. It doesn’t alter my perceptions, doesn’t change how I work magic or how I think. It’s just another night. I enjoy looking at the moon at night, but full moon, blue moon, whatever moon, it doesn’t matter to me. I just enjoy sitting outside and star-gazing. The type of moon is irrelevant in the long scheme of things. I’m far more likely to want to know about star movements across the sky as having more significance, because those seem far more connected in human psyche than lunar phenomena. After all, the calendar as it is isn’t all that old, they’ve been changing years, months, how to measure time for hundreds of years, so I doubt that there’s very much of a deeply ingrained connection to a “blue moon” as being special, given the modern definition of the term.

I know the moon and lunar cycles were important, but this particular phenomena is rather new, as measuring of time goes, or that’s how I see it. Basically, the “blue moon” is absolutely nothing to me. It’s another chance to see a full moon, which is great, just for star-gazing interests of mine. Magically it means nothing to me.

Pagan Blog Prompt: All in the Genes

Pagan Blog Prompts: All in the Genes:

Is it hereditary?
I had to think about my wording on this one… I had to leave it vague, because I wanted it to be as open to interpretation as possible.

What I’m referring to here can be magic, witchcraft, spirituality, the things you can do that others around you cannot, etc. Another way to put it might be “Do you come from a family of Witches?” but that only works if you see yourself as a witch. Get what I’m trying to say here?

What you do and who you are – did it come from your bloodline? Or is it something you discovered and nurtured on your own?

This is interesting. I’m not sure if there’s even really an answer. Because this is complicated on so many levels. It seems like there’s this whole attitude that people need to have some sort of history, or they’re lacking credibility as witches/pagans/whatever. And that just rubs me the wrong way. See, as I’ve already said – I’m the only pagan or witch in my whole family. My family is made up of lapsed Catholics and Protestants – now Agnostics or Atheists – or just plain Agnostics or Atheists who never had religion to begin with. I’m the only one who ever turned to magic, to witchcraft or to paganism. It definitely has been unusual, my family doesn’t always understand me and my beliefs, but they’ve come to at least accept that I’m going to believe this stuff and they might as well accept it.

Pagan Blog Prompt: Vegetarian

Pagan Blog Prompts: Vegetarian

How does being a Pagan affect your view on Vegetarians?

Does your love and respect for nature and living things lead you to stay away from meat? Or is it more based on the nature of the food processing that bolsters your distaste for meat?

If you are of the carnivorous branch of humans, does your Pagan view on life make you feel guilty at all? Does it affect the choices you make when you shop for meat in the store?

Fair warning and full disclosure: I’m a vegetarian.

Now, it has nothing to do with my spiritual beliefs. Which, at least from online observation of pagan groups, seems to be a huge shock to most people I meet. I seem to encounter those who are in an uproar about my lack of spiritual/religious concern for the plight of animals even as I abstain from consuming their flesh.

In fact, I’m very well aware of the fact that any pagan ancestors I have would have been eating quite a lot of meat. Doesn’t bother me in the slightest. I’d have probably been the strange one. And honestly, humans are built to consume some meat, so it’s not like it goes against nature. I’m not one of those (I’ll use the stereotype) “tree-hugging” pagans. I don’t like to go surround myself with nature. I like my modern amenities – especially indoor plumbing! – far too much to go and enjoy “roughing it” out in the wilderness. Nature is pretty, I enjoy it, however, I’m not going to ever be someone who goes off the grid to avoid causing any environmental harm. Humans cause some harm, I am for minimizing my effect upon this planet, but I know I can’t sum it out at zero.

I’m a vegetarian for 1 major reason. I’ve been one for so long, I honestly don’t remember what meat tastes like. I still hate the smell of meat. Truth be told, the smell of holiday turkey, or (more frequently) my family’s summer backyard barbecue hamburgers/brats makes me ill. I have to leave the kitchen during big family events, because the smell of meat cooking makes me physically nauseous. But – I’m a vegetarian for the main reason that I absolutely hated the taste of meat. I despised having to eat it as a kid, because I thought it disgusting. I didn’t know what the meat industry was like back then (I was like 11 or 12), and I doubt I would have cared. After all, if I didn’t see it, it didn’t bother me a whole lot as a kid. Our meat industry has a lot to answer towards, but I’m aware that as long as demand exists, it will continue to exist. I do wish and hope that it will be cleaned up and made more humane, but I’m not holding my breath. And I’m also well aware that if the whole planet went vegetarian or vegan we would have a whole host of other problems. So neither is a perfect solution. But I chose to quit eating meat because I hated the taste. It wasn’t fun or pleasant to eat, so why bother?

And, I’ve learned since, I’m far healthier as a vegetarian than I was as a meat-eater. That’s me personally. I know not everyone can be vegetarian. I don’t care what another person eats, pagan or not, as long as they don’t force it upon me. I’m the only vegetarian in my whole group of friends. They think I’m crazy, but they leave me alone. I don’t bother them about their hamburgers, steak or chicken, they don’t bother me about my salads, soy-products and tofu. I’m healthier than I used to be, and since I never enjoyed meat, I see no reason to eat it. I’m also slightly lactose-intolerant, as I’ve begun to learn in the last 10 months, which leads to a few more challenges. I’ve learned how to diversify my diet and ensure I get the protein and other essentials that I need without meat. That’s fine for me. Others don’t want to, can’t, or just refuse to be vegetarian. I see nothing wrong with that.

I love my pets as much as everyone else. I love animals too. I’m particularly fond of anything feline or canine. Still, humans by nature eat animals. Other animals eat other animals. So why the uproar over pagans doing what comes perfectly naturally to humans? In a historical context, I’d be willing to wager that vegetarians like me are an oddity, so there’s no reason to shame meat-eaters in their choices. There’s a difference between loving your dog Fido or cat Meowser, and choosing to eat a steak or chicken breast for dinner. I do not really understand the militant vegetarianism or veganism that shames people for eating meat. And the tripe about “you don’t love animals if you eat meat” is false, asinine and abhorrent. Our ancestors for thousands of years had pets, dogs or cats, that helped them hunt, and they loved these animals no less than a modern-day vegetarian or vegan does.

Basically – I’m of the opinion that each person makes their own determination. If you are a person who is comfortable, healthy and fine eating meat – then that’s your business. I’m happy, healthy and comfortable not touching any of that stuff. It’s a personal preference and decision that is no one else’s business. If you love animals and have pets, but also eat meat, that’s also fine. Neither vegetarians or meat-eaters are any better. It’s a personal decision that is of no concern to anyone but the person making said decision. I’m no better a pagan for not eating meat, and neither is my meat-eating friend a better person for doing “what [our] people have been doing for thousands of years”. It’s personal preference. And I think that your eating habits are the last concern of which I would express interest in a pagan forum or discussion.

Pagan Blog Prompt: Growth

Pagan Blog Prompt: Growth

As the growing season presses onward, we should be seeing signs of growth all around us….

Where are you seeing growth in your life right now?

If you look hard enough, I’m sure you could find it….

Well….this is interesting for me.

I’m sure that I could look a lot of different ways. Perhaps best though is to look at myself. Which seems obvious, but is always hardest for me. I don’t like looking at myself. It usually makes me see things I don’t like. That’s good in a way, because once I see things I don’t like, I can try to change. But it’s uncomfortable and painful at times. My own image of myself isn’t at it’s greatest. I’m feeling better about how I see myself physically. Hell, I’m getting to where I feel pretty again. Not hot, not gorgeous…but definitely attractive under the right circumstances. That’s a start.

But once I look inwards, well then my nice feelings explode.

Pagan Blog Prompt: Names

Pagan Blog Prompts: What’s in a Name?

Do you have a witch/magic name(s)?
If more than one, is one reserved for ritual use, with another that you go by to everyone else?

If you do use a witch/magic name, how did you come by yours? Was it ‘given’ to you? Were you lead to it? Or did you pick it yourself?
If you don’t use a witch/magic name, why not?

 

Right. So when I was younger I wanted a magic name, because it seemed like everyone had one. Articles I found online usually had an author with a name like “Purple Dragonmouse” (yes, I just made that up. Sorry it is atrocious). Or the ones like “Lady (insert random Tolkien-eque Elf-name here)”. So I thought that I really needed a name myself, though I couldn’t really see myself having any name like the examples there, because it just seemed hoaky. I couldn’t see myself actually calling myself anything like that and taking it seriously. And it seemed like to do witchcraft, or to be a pagan, you had to have a name like this. (To be fair though, most of these sites were probably full of fluffy information, especially since I remember every site that I found these names on always had discussions about how real witches don’t use curses.) However, all the sites and books said to meditate on it, think about it, talk to your spirits/gods about it…and make sure you’re really certain. Because you can’t change it. Now, I’m sure that yes, you normally don’t want to go around changing your name every other week or so, but I think that sometimes people change and their name changes as well. I guess, a bit like nicknames. I had some nicknames from when I was 5 or 6 that no one ever uses anymore. I’ve grown out of them. The whole, you can’t change it ever thing confused me. And I never was certain that I found any name that I would have for “forever”.

So I have the name I use here, “Gamayun”, but that’s just for online. I don’t care if anyone used my real name, Emily, and it’s not like anyone outside of the internet world knows about the name for online. I suppose that means it is not a real name or such, it’s just a way to keep a bit of anonymity from my real life, where most people I know are only vaguely aware of my beliefs. Internet handle I think is an appropriate word to use, because it really is that. All of which is just to say that I do not use a “magic name”.

I’m not sure I even want to anymore. I think that my own personal name is more than fine. Perhaps one day down the line I might change my mind, I can’t say for certain. But now, I just don’t want a new name. It might just be a change to my attitude, very likely, but I’m at a point where I think that if it’s not my birth name, I’m not being myself. Since I’ve been working to figure out who I am and what I am, using another name than my own just does not make any sense to me. I’d rather go with the certainly boring and mundane Emily than use another name that perhaps doesn’t suit me so well. And I’ve actually learned that my name has a pretty interesting linguistic history and meaning behind it, so I suppose it’s actually far more interesting that it originally seems.

But perhaps foremost in my reason for not using a magic name is that my real name is just me. I doubt that another name could show me any better. And so, at this point in my life, I don’t want a name, or see a reason to search for one. I’m more than happy with the one I already have. And if my real name represents me, then I should be more than happy with that. And thankfully, I am very happy with just my usual, daily life name.

Pagan Blog Prompt: Illness

Pagan Blog Prompts: Illness:

How do you deal with illness?

Does being sick hinder your magic work?

Do you employ magic to make yourself healthy again?

What about others? Do you work magic to heal other people?

So I’m working off this one. I suppose this one struck me, because it’s thanks to an illness that I really re-looked at myself the last year and a half.

See, my grandma got sick suddenly at the beginning of October 2010. I was away at college and I got a call from my mom, telling me my grandma had fallen on her property, went to the hospital, and they said she had pneumonia after doing chest x-rays because of her cough. No big deal, she had medication for it, and she’d be doing well again in just a few weeks. I can’t remember really the next sequence of events totally clearly, I never will either, I know that. I think it was three days later that I got another call; my grandma was in the hospital.

She was in a coma, and the whole family found out that she had lung cancer. She had to have known, at least from the pneumonia, but I think she’d known for a long time and hadn’t told us so no one would worry about her. So three days after finding out my grandma had cancer, my dad, aunt and uncle agreed that she would have never wanted to be hooked up in a hospital wasting away. I didn’t go and see her. I love my grandma dearly; I always have and always will. But she would not have wanted me or my sibling, her only grandchildren, to see her like that. She would have wanted us to remember her alive and happy, spending time with family either on the lake, in town, at school music functions for my sibling and I…doing things that were fun. So I couldn’t bring myself to go and see her.

I quit practicing completely at that point; I was too shocked and upset. I stopped researching; looking into anything…I just gave up. I barely managed to pass my classes that semester, even being at the point of almost having to repeat a class for my major though I managed to barely scrape a good enough grade to avoid that likelihood; I just couldn’t care or focus at that point. But I realized a few months afterwards that just giving up on everything was not what my grandma would have wanted. I took the time off that I needed, and then began researching again. I started with the Irish and Scottish mythologies, my grandma always wanted to go to Ireland. But I branched out and I’ve come to terms with it. Not gotten over it, that can never happen.

When someone close to me is really sick I don’t do well at all magically or spiritually. It puts my whole mind and self out of order, completely shakes me. I don’t do magic to heal people, I don’t do it for myself. I know that illness cannot be helped at times by anything humans have access to now, not even magic and belief. I also just have not seen the point in working magic on other people; it isn’t really in my practice right now. Perhaps down the line I might try to ease someone close to me from pain or discomfort, but right now I can’t do it, and I wouldn’t.

As for myself, I don’t take medication unless I am sick enough to have to go to a doctor and they say that I’m required to. I just have never been big on medicine, pills, liquids…none of it. I’m also very rarely sick. I get the occasional seasonal cold, I’ve had a few flu-bugs over the years, but I’m remarkably healthy, which is a shock considering my medical conditions, but that’s a complete other story. If I’m actually sick, I just don’t have the concentration or willpower to do any workings or magic. If I don’t have the will or intent I won’t do it, because that’s a waste of my time and the time of those I’m working with. I know that trying to work without being focused and steady is a mistake, so I don’t do any work when I’m sick unless I must. Since I’m so very rarely sick I don’t bother to heal myself. The occasional cold or flu is no harm to me; it’s actually a benefit in some respects, since it means my immune system is working wonders. If I were constantly sick, I might try to heal myself, but I don’t know for sure.

I’d never thought too much on illness before seeing the prompt here. But I suppose, once I actually thought through it, illness pretty much socked me into admitting things about my beliefs that I hadn’t really consciously admitted to. It was really because of my grandma that I realized that I need to do what was best for me, to do what I wanted to…and to be myself. So the fact is, much as I’d never seen it, illness had a major impact on my beliefs and life.