Rune Stones and Tarot

Rune Stones – Image from here

I’ve always liked them. I actually used to do occasional rune stone divination back in high school And they always were right, so I think I must be good with them. Of course, I know that traditionally, the actual Norse peoples probably never used the runes for divination. Still, I found it works. It actually works eerily well for me. My set looks a bit like this, but they’re black, with white etching, and mine is plastic. Once I’m settled in, I want to buy a nice set, one that isn’t scratched up and chipped from several moves back and forth across the state for college and school. So that’s something to save up for.

Still though, I picked up my little beginner’s kit for rune stones when I was about 13. It was funny, the lady in Barnes & Noble was very helpful and nice. She suggested that I ought to learn how to use a tarot deck before trying to work with the runes. I thought that strange and asked her why. Seems, at least from her experience, most people had difficulty with the runes, if that’s where they started. She said she’d had trouble with the runes, until she’d gone and worked with the tarot cards for a while, gotten comfortable, and then went back to runes. So she showed me the tarot decks they had. None of them were all that interesting. By that I mean, absolutely none of them really seemed to say “buy me” the way the rune set did. So I bought just the rune set. Of course, she was a bit surprised, but said that of course I had to do what I thought was right.

I tried working with tarot a few times after I got the runes. It never clicked for me. I couldn’t read it at all. I suspect I just had trouble with it because it wasn’t right. It never made sense, and I couldn’t really read the tarot cards. So I went back to my runes. I certainly won’t say that I’m an expert – I’m not, not even close. But I can at least read the runes for myself, and most of the time understand what I’m reading. There’s been a few times that I’ve been stumped, but I think that is expected. And I’m most comfortable with runes. They make the most sense to me. Which I suppose is the other reason I quit even thinking about working with tarot cards by the time I was 15 and in my sophomore year of high school.

However, recently I found this:

St. Petersburg Tarot – Amazon.com

I really want this. It kind of speaks to me. And I’ve definitely learned that if that’s the case, I should pay attention. And since it’s the first time I’ve ever been interested in a tarot deck for itself, I’m interested. I like the artwork, it looks beautiful. Plus, I suppose there is the kind of turn to the fact that it’s a Russian deck, and I’m Russian. So there’s probably a pull for that reason. However, I’m actually interested in trying to learn how to read tarot cards now, which is new.

So that’s a new thing.

I’m still going to focus on the runes. They’re my favorite and I like mine, even if they are terribly basic. Not to mention, while I’m learning how to use the tarot deck, I need something I know I can read to verify or for when I need a clear-cut answer. But, I think that I’m going to enjoy learning something new.

Eddas

So I started reading more of them. I’m still not sure about how long it’ll take me to read everything. Probably quite a while, considering real life obligations. But…I’ll do it. They’re interesting. I’m kinda hopping between the two, Poetic and Prose, reading whatever pops up and seems to say “read me”.

Still, they’re fascinating. I read the one that tells of how Thor got the Mjölnir back by dressing as Freyja. Which is both giggle inducing and actually really neat. I don’t know how I came across that story originally either. I mean…I know it was the first of anything from the Eddas that I read, but I have no clue how I came across it to begin with. Because it’s not really the type of thing I would have picked up as a kid. All I can figure is that I must have read about Norse mythology in a mythology book and somehow came across that particular story while doing more digging. So that’s one fully read. But, I read that one years ago, so I need to re-read all of it. I’ve restarted it this week though.

But the one I enjoyed most was the Lokasenna from the Poetic Edda. I’m not so sure why I liked it best, but I did. Something just so much…well fun about it. I know, the whole point isn’t to be fun, or even perhaps amusing, but to me it was. It was quite interesting too. I suppose the point is, you can tell what were seen as problems or disliked traits by what they are accused of. Still, it’s nice to just read it for the measure and for what it says. It still is my favorite, even with the others I’ve begun reading. But I’m keeping an open mind. There’s still dozens of things I’ve yet to read out of the Eddas, and I know I have plenty of things to look at before I can definitively say what a favorite or two of mine might be.

So this is just a bit of an update into what I’m doing lately. Reading Eddas, and also doing some research into Slavic mythology. I just don’t have any good concrete examples for that one. Perhaps in this upcoming week I’ll write about that.

Momentary Chaos

Or, why I’m kinda slow on posting. I’d planned on doing more blog posts, I had.

However, my life is in pretty much total upheaval right now. Everything is kind of going crazy…just totally imploding. I don’t really think I can post most of it, I’m not comfortable enough and I’m still shaky. After all, I pretty much know I’ll be doing a form of couch-surfing this summer. Good thing – only 4 weeks of summer vacation for me with the whole situation of being in Germany for this last year. So at least it’s only 4 weeks and not any longer. But it’s still a bit disconcerting.

Long story very short – I’m in the middle of total chaos in my life. And chaos doesn’t really suit me. I like predictability and calmness. I suppose that’s not unusual. After all, I think most people prefer things to remain simple and unconfused. Still though, chaos tends to come in spurts for me. And when it does…well things explode (figuratively). And this time I think I might just have actually done some mental damage to myself. Not really a bad thing, since in the long run I know this will make me stronger. But in the short term it’s painful and it’s going to cause me far more mental anguish than any good. It’s just a mess really, and I definitely did this to myself.

That’s just the way things seem to go for me. I tend to break things to make them better (again, figuratively speaking here).

Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.

Chinese Proverb

Always Learning

So a huge thing for me is research. I enjoy reading a lot more than actually doing. Perhaps that’s a flaw. I’m told it’s definitely a flaw at times, since I do spend a lot of time in digging for old resources. It does do me quite a bit of good as a history major however, so I suppose there’s at least some good in my predilection for researching things. Not to mention, lots of times you need to research for the mythologies and folklore. Because a lot of stuff in the “New Age” section of bookstores is sometimes a bit iffy. And, I like academic articles with sources listed.

So being a college kid is great. I have access to JSTOR, ProQuest, EBSCO, etc, and while I’m in Germany, access to several German databases as well. I’m taking advantage of this to get articles on spiritual things, mythologies, folklore, traditions…all with wonderful sources listed. Yes, academic research isn’t the end-all-be-all of this, but it helps. And I’ll admit I’m a bit of a sucker for it. I like having sources. And for mythologies, the studies are very helpful. Not to mention, if I’m uncertain of something, I can see what other people have to say about it. Example, if I want to know about medieval religious practices, I can search for those kinds of things in the databases.

In the last 2 weeks I’ve found 3 or 4 articles on medieval views of magic and witchcraft, by looking up information on my paper on the University of Cologne in the Middle Ages. So by accident I’ve found these. Deliberate searches would lead to more information. And, it’s interesting to see what the analysis on medieval beliefs of religion and spirituality are. So that’s just one little path I’m going to work on going down once I’ve finished the bulk of my homework for my program classes this week. After all, not too many people write well-sourced books on medieval views of magic and witchcraft. At least, I’ve yet to find some good books in the “New Age” section of my local bookstores. And libraries are probably bad too, for the most part. They stock what people will check out. Most people don’t really look for the kinds of things I like to read.

The other thing I’m excited about doing is researching Slavic mythology and folklore. I’ve yet to find books about it in bookstores, and even broad overviews of mythology almost never have anything. So that’s a brick wall. However, JSTOR and my other databases look promising. I might not find a lot, but I have found a few articles that look to be possibly helpful. And from there I can then check out the sources used, to get more information. So my college article database access is going to be excellent. I always like new information.

Then I’m also thinking, once I’m back at home and a bit settled after readjusting to time abroad, I should work on my whole form of practice. I probably research too much. I do a lot of reading, which isn’t necessarily bad, but I do so much that I tend to neglect actual physical practice. I need to find a bit more of a balance so that I’m not working on one to the total exclusion of the other. I suspect I’ll always be a more research, book-bound pagan than a “go out and practice” kind of type. But I can at least work on finding a better balance than the one I have right now. After all, there’s only so much book learning can actually do for one before some action must be taken.

Intimacy

I think I’ve discovered something strange about my beliefs. And I think this needs an explanation of sorts.

Having some fun with Christians

And no, I do not mean this in any way of “let’s mess with their beliefs”.

I mean…enjoying a great conversation about religious and spiritual beliefs with full respect. See, I went out this last Friday and hung out with 2 of the women in my study abroad program. They’re both wonderful and I really enjoy spending time with them, we all kind of get along and are quite different from most of the other kids in our program. So that’s another fun thing. But, we went window-shopping, searched the local Münstermarkt (I guess farmer’s market is probably the correct thing to say in English), and then had a wonderful German dinner and chatted for several hours. And by several, I’m pretty sure it was about 4. But it was great.

We were discussing college, our majors, life experiences, tattoos and if we want them or not (I already have 3 and am planning/saving for my 4th, neither of them do, but 1′s planning hers), and religion. Usually I shy away from religious discussions with people my age, they usually end pretty badly. Because, for whatever reason, people my age seem to think that while normally they would be all for “total equality and respect”, when it comes to their faith they have to be boors about it. And I’ll admit, if someone’s disrespectful to me, I do get proud and I will get back in their face, if they’re my age. I’ve learned to not do this nearly so much…but there’s 1 or 2 people who I still instinctively will argue with, no matter what, and they know it. We both are at fault for that, I know. But, for the most part, I try to remain respectful, no matter what. Which is why I avoid the discussion with people my own age, because most people my age can’t be respectfully disagreeable about spirituality. Or rather, that’s just my experiences in the most part.

But we had a wonderful discussion, the 3 of us.

We were discussing relationships, and whether we would date someone not of our spiritual beliefs. I would, but then, my experience with the people I know always has me as one of 2 or maybe 3 self-identified pagans. So I’m very open, as long as my partner will respect my beliefs. Both of them want to date someone in the same faith, which I can understand. It makes sense, and their reasoning, I can accept, even if it’s not for me. But then we were talking weddings, and just other girly things. But I admitted that I’d never get married in a church. See, I don’t understand the whole marry in a church fantasy. For me (and this is me alone), if you aren’t Christian or aren’t marrying a devout Christian, it’s disrespectful to get married in a functioning church. Because by getting married in the building, you’re marrying “before God”. And if you aren’t Christian, I feel like that’s an insult to that God, and to those who worship him. Again, my opinion. Besides, I’ve always wanted, if I get married, to do a fast ceremony – I mean as short as possible, I seriously wish I could get the ceremony over in 5 minutes – and then just have a huge barbecue. I’m sure one of my grandparents would let me have it at their houses on the lawn. Just a huge party, that’s my plan. No church involved.

But of course, they asked why I said I thought it disrespectful to get married in a church. So I explained that I’m pagan and a witch. I was kind of expecting a bit of shock and disdain. Actually, both of them were fascinated. So I had to answer a lot of questions, which was both a bit strange and really nice. It’s a bit weird trying to explain what I believe to people who are raised Christian and don’t really know anything else, but I think I did pretty well. I explained polytheism, and that I’m what you’d call a “hard polytheist”, and what I’m studying at the moment. Of course, because I’m also having this prod to look into specific deities, I explained a bit about that. It’s fun to explain and have a civil conversation. So they asked questions, I answered. And we compared different parts of my belief to Christianity. We have some major differences of opinion, but it was all very respectful.

We talked about ghosts, and what we think they are. Spirits, things that are unusual that we’ve seen or experienced. I sense ghosts at times, I’ve only seen 2. One was my grandma the day after she died. That one almost scared me at first, because here I was, 19 years old, and I see a ghost. The last time I’d seen one I was 7. So I almost dropped everything I’d been carrying, because I thought for sure I was crazy. But, I’m not. And I think my grandma did that so I could see her happy again. Because it was peaceful, a tiniest bit of closure. I also grew up sensing them though, which is what I’m more used to. I can handle feeling ghosts’ presences, even if it startles me at first. So we had a ghost and paranormal discussion.

All in all, I had a blast. I’m not used to enjoying myself in religious discussions. Usually I end up defending myself against attacks. While I don’t mind explaining my beliefs, I will admit I grow tired of the mockery. As one of the girls pointed out “Well, you can’t be any crazier than other people who see things.” Which made me laugh. Because, I had to say that my own personal code is that believing in my gods and accepting their existence is no crazier than any Christian who believes that their God speaks to them. It’s a nice way to end a conversation, just agreeing that we clearly have different beliefs, but we can get along and not have it be a huge deal.

So Friday was a great day. Fun time seeing more of my own beliefs. It’s really a wonder (and I always seem to forget) how much I can learn about myself by trying to explain my beliefs to others who don’t believe anything similar. So it was fun, but I also learned a bit more about myself. All in all, an excellent day.

Cologne Cathedral

The reason I chose to study in Germany is pretty much 1 city: Cologne.

Which shocks people when I tell them that. But, it’s true.

I found a piece on the Cologne Cathedral when I was younger, I don’t remember where. But I read it, was fascinated and proceeded to look up more info on the Cathedral and the city.

Cologne Cathedral from across the Rhein.

I took this on 15 October 2011, when we were in Cologne. It was only my 6th photo of the cathedral total, so I’m pretty impressed with how it came out, especially since I took this photo on the fly while running late getting to a meeting point.

This cathedral is massive. It has the largest façade of any cathedral in Europe I believe or perhaps it was the world. Well, details like that don’t matter. It’s so massive in person that it’s shocking and awe-inspiring. There’s really nothing like it in the world. I’ve seen a lot of cathedrals here in Germany, a few in Switzerland and France as well. None of them can compare with this. I don’t honestly think that anything else quite like it exists. Even other similar time-period cathedrals are different. The Duomo (Milan Cathedral) is massive, gorgeous too, but it cannot hold a candle to this in my opinion (I can admit an extreme bias based on my long-standing love of Cologne).

I was in Cologne for 2 days this last fall, but I didn’t get to see all the museums I wanted to. So I’m going back maybe 1st week in July, perhaps 2nd week. I’ll make a weekend of it, go there before I go home. Because, in addition to seeing the 2 or so museums I didn’t get to see, I’m going to go back here again. I climbed up the spire all the way to the top, which is really freaky if you’re claustrophobic I might add. It’s breath-taking and insane in some respects. But I want to take some photos of the bells. The St. Petersglocke in particular. It’s the one of the largest free-hanging bells in the world, I think 24 tons, though the bell it replaced was 27 tons. I didn’t get photos of the bells in October, we went straight up, and then had to come back down too quickly, because it was 5pm and they close it for safety then. So I want to go back.

And strange part. I’m no Catholic. However, this is one of the few cathedrals I actually feel comfortable in. Normally I feel uneasy in churches…almost like their God knows I’m not Christian, and it’s uncomfortable. I don’t really think/know if he’s judging me or not, but I just feel like I’m intruding on something. For some reason, in the Cologne Cathedral I don’t get that sense of unease. It’s a very Christian building, I know that. And it’s got centuries of history to speak for it. I should feel just as uncomfortable there as I do in far newer churches in the States, but I don’t. I think there’s something to the vast history, the Gothic feel…

There’s just something there that makes me feel comfortable. Perhaps there’s a chance that I feel comfortable because my family has a long history of German Catholicism. Maybe some of that has rubbed off on me and I can relate because of the long history there. Or it might be that it’s a site I’ve wanted to see for so long that I’ve blocked any mental discomfort I might usually feel. I suspect though, given the unease I’ve felt in other cathedrals, it isn’t that. For some reason, this cathedral speaks to me in a way. I can’t really explain it all too well, but I definitely felt fine there. It’s awe-inspiring on so many accounts. The size of the building, the details…how intricate it all is, just how brilliant and gorgeous it is. It’s also dark. It’s definitely Gothic.

It’s not like the Dresden Frauenkirche that is all light inside, painted walls like marble and feels alive. I mean, the Cathedral is alive in a way…with the people there. But…I feel like the Cologne Cathedral has such a long history, you cannot avoid the death that’s been marked there. It’s a heavier atmosphere, more somber and serious at the Cologne Cathedral. It feels more like an ancient place, a place with the weight of centuries on it. Somehow it seemed to me that it has seen everything that has happened to it and around it. And if walls could talk, I feel the Cathedral would have reams to say. It feels burdened with that memory, but not constrained.

14 October – 1st photo of the Cathedral.

And perhaps that’s why I felt no discomfort with the Cologne Cathedral. It is an old place, with hundreds of years of history. However, even with all that history, I didn’t feel constrained at all. It feels to me like it stays pace with the city around it. Many of the other cathedrals I’ve visited haven’t had that same thought. The Duomo in Milan felt constrained, the Frauenkirche in Dresden just feels too new (understandable considering they completely rebuilt it in the last 20 years), and the others I’ve seen just feel as though they are relics. And the Cologne Cathedral is a relic of sorts. It’s old beyond anything we have in the States, it shows that age. It’s stylized to a long-gone age. It definitely breaths that age from its pores when you’re inside. However, it also seems to breath new life in some respects, as though it will always be there, no matter how modern the rest of Cologne gets.

Even though I’m not Christian, this place called to me in a way I won’t deny. There’s more here than just an old building. It’s got an atmosphere to it that I hadn’t felt elsewhere. So I’m going back to Cologne. It’s a city you can’t visit only once, and the Cathedral is always worth a second visit.