Back in the Day…

I wonder sometimes if anyone else has the same interest in old family stories that I do. And by that I mean, people my age. Because my friends always seem shocked to learn that I enjoy hearing the “old fogeys” talk about way back when.

I know lots of stories from my great-grandparents’ times, and their parents as well. For me it’s all fascinating. I mean, how often can one say they know strange little stories from that far back. Now to be fair, in my family, great-grandparents were all born in around 1920′s, my grandparents all around mid 1940′s. Which I know makes my family extremely young. My great-great-grandparents were all born round about early 1900′s, to the last one around 1910 or so I think. Which always engenders shock from my friends, because a lot of my friends’ grandparents were born during/just before the Great Depression, a few just after. So I had some of my great-grandparents until I was about 13/14. Actually, 1 great-grandma is still with us. Which I’m the only one of my friends who can say that. But it does mean that with great-great-aunts and great-grandma’s, I heard lots of fun stories.

A cousin of mine got married back when I was 12, so it was kind of a “family reunion” of sorts as well. Whole extended family got together, well over 100+ people. So I got to hear stories from my great-grandma’s, great-great-aunt and my grandma too. My family has a fascinatingly crazy history too, from the stories. I know what Scottish clan we hail from, way way back thanks to this. I also know what my grandma’s grandmother’s maiden-name was: Koehler as Americanized, her family was from Germany. Sadly, no one knows where in Germany they came from, no one can remember, because the woman was adopted as a like 2-year-old, and no one ever bothered to tell her where her family came from (Which is a pet peeve of mine, because everyone here in Germany is excited to learn I’m German, but I have no clue where my family comes from). But while we were at the wedding, I got to hear loads of old family stories.

• Part of our family might be illegitimate. Not a huge deal for today, but for great-grandmas, great-great-aunt and so it is. See, couple had 2 or 3 kids before they got married, then 2 or 3 afterwards. Our branch of the family is either the last illegitimate kid, or the 1st legitimate one, and no one can remember. So, old-timey scandal for my family.
• Then we had a whole other couple somewhere along the line that their families hated each other. Some kind of business feud going. So son from family A and daughter from family B went and eloped. Huge scandal with that I guess, and both families disowned them for a while. Family story is, once they had a kid everyone kind of just dropped it and tried to get along from that point on.
• Supposedly my great-great-great-grandparents on one side ran a hotel, where my great-great-grandma worked as a kid. One story goes that the first story was a restaurant, laundry in the back, lounge/bar all that kind of stuff. Second story was the hotel. Rumor is that third story was a brothel. And I’ve seen photos of the great-great-great-grandparents. They look like they belong in the Chicago Mob, just….oh about 50-60ish years too soon.

So my family has really interesting stuff happen. It’s just so much fun to hear all these old stories. And, since I hear them, I know lots of little things about my great-grandparents and even some things about their parents that none of my friends have a clue about. I even know stuff about my grandparents that my friends don’t know about theirs. Obviously not everything, but I do learn a lot from listening.

One of the first things I’m doing when I get back home is going to my grandma’s old company’s “Old Fogey’s Barbecue”. Not really a barbecue, but a huge get together. They all used to work together way back, when my mom was a kid. They do this every September, just get together, chat, have a great time and relax and enjoy the (hopefully) good weather on a Saturday. My sister finds it boring, as do my cousins and my aunt. My mom loves to go though, and I find it fascinating. I get to hear all sorts of old stories, hang out, get free food (always a bonus), and just enjoy the day. Plus, it’s always fun to hear about how other people went through life.

This time though, I’ll actually get to speak German. One of the old guys hails from southern Germany, right on the Austrian border. So his family speaks Sueddeutsch mixed with Oesterreichisch Deutsch (southern German with Austrian German). It’s fascinating to hear. Strange too. Especially since in school they only teach us Hochdeutsch, which is academic German that they use at the colleges. But…he speaks German, so I have someone to chat to in German for at least part of the afternoon. This makes me very happy, because I’m going to miss speaking German. Plus, I can hear all sorts of fun stories about growing up in Germany way back, and family stories from the region too.

So all in all, my “strange” fascination with old stories is good. I know lots more than quite a few friends. But, it’s also just neat to know where your family comes from. Which I definitely learn a lot of.

Related articles

• Heritage (witchsjourney.wordpress.com)

Slight Change

I’ve been thinking about this for a month or so now. And I decided to go ahead and do it. I’m pretty sure a few posts of mine kind of show how crazy my life is, and why total upheaval makes sense.

So “Celtic Witch’s Journey”. I’d always figured, months before I started this blog, that would be my blog name. I’d picked it well before I’d ever thought about having a real blog. Because I’m a coward, and up until beginning March I would never have had a public blog. So I seriously had a name all picked out, and I even titled some of my private journal entries with it. (Yes, full-blown coward, but hey, blogs start somehow) So I used it, since I was kind of continuing on from some private journal-type entries that I probably won’t post anytime soon, perhaps one day I’ll get around to transcribing them onto the computer.

I’ve realized though. I’m not really doing much with the Celtic-part. I still enjoy it, but it’s not really a base. I’m kind of totally redefining. Which means research into Celtic, Slavic, Anglo-Saxon, all of it. But I’m no longer focusing on the Celtic. So the name doesn’t really fit me anymore. I’m just removing “Celtic” from the blog title. Because I’m still journeying, but I kind of feel like I ought to not presuppose anything, given how my life is kind of up-ending itself at the moment. And given that my whole life is kind of going crazy and changing, I’m going to scale back the blog title just a tiny bit, so that it feels a bit more open to myself.

Just so it’s clear, new title: Witch’s Journey. Same person and same blog.

 

Specificity

I think someone is messing with me. Not a person, and not messing with me in the sense of “oh, let’s cause trouble and problems” kind of way either. I’m more leaning towards some deity is trying to get my attention and I’ve just been too dense to see it. Because this is genuinely weird. And me being dense is no surprise, so it doesn’t surprise me if this is how they’ve decided to get my attention.

Stuff will disappear and reappear, moved around. Not just in the way of “oh, I just misplaced that.” More in the way of, I was looking for my pen, checked everywhere, even in my drawer, and then, not 5 minutes later, it shows up in my drawer when I gave up looking for it and went to just use the stupid pencil instead (I hate pencils for the record). In the exact spot it should have been to begin with, but wasn’t. And then, just papers out of order. Not major, just, 1 or 2 out of place, which I know isn’t me. I’m pretty fastidious about making sure my papers are all in order. And I know they’re in order when I leave class, but when I go to review them, nope, 1 or 2 are moved into the wrong section.

Then there’s just stuff not quite working. I couldn’t get the microwave to work (stupid really), even though it’s super easy. So I twist the timer dial to start it, and instead of the time running down from say 2 minutes to 0, it goes up from 2 minutes to 4. Lucky I pay attention, or I would have burned my food. Warmed up tea in the microwave not 2 minutes after this, and it was working fine, 30 seconds to 0, no problem. But this time I sat and watched it to make sure. Or, my computer inexplicably freezing up randomly. I haven’t lost anything. It’ll just freeze for like 15 seconds, and then be fine. I’ve checked for virus’, problems, etc – there’s nothing. My computer is pretty much perfect and it’s never done this before. All really dumb, super mundane stuff, I know. And I’ve checked for any normal explanation. But…short of me going crazy (which I’m going to have to say I’m not) none of this stuff makes much sense.

But then again…I’ve also begun to feel like there’s something almost watching me. Not in a creepy way, or it doesn’t seem creepy. Which it probably should. I know not to just think “oh, seems like something’s watching me, no biggy”, especially after the neighborhood I grew up in. But somehow this doesn’t scare me. It’s not really comforting either. It’s a bit like an itch, a bit annoying, but not dangerous or anything. And it’s even when I’m alone in my room with blinds shut, so I know no one is watching me, or in the room, but I still have that little twinge in my mind, telling me that something is there.

It’s just all frustrating. Because it’s minor stuff, and if I complain about it to my friends they’re just “well – you’re probably just imagining it.” Which, perhaps I am. I would tend to say I’m not though. I’m pretty sure that looking for a pen, it not being in the place I always set it, and then 5 minutes later, when I’ve basically just told the world “Screw this, I’ll just use the damned pencil”, and then *poof*, it’s in it’s spot. To me that’s more than me just not noticing where the pen was.

So now I need to look into specifics. See, basic mythology research is good. I like it. However, basic research into pantheons is probably not going to help me. I need to look into particular deities. Because my serious suspicion, and the thought that keeps coming to mind, is that someone is trying to get me to talk to them/acknowledge them, and I think this is a way of telling me that they’re tired of waiting for me to open up and figure it out without help. This is ridiculous too. Because 2 names keep popping into my head about this, and neither one is part of a pantheon I ever considered working with. So I’m looking into gods and goddess’ with a tendency for mischief or trouble-causing or for doing little things that are just…almost tricks I guess is how I could describe it, to gain attention. Which then veers into UPG, which I’m not experienced with at all. So this is going to be an adventure of sorts.

Because these 2 deities…well I have nothing to do with either, or their pantheons. But the names keep popping up. So I’m not sure. Because I doubt it’s both of them. So I’m debating as to whether it’s just that I know basics of these 2 pantheons, so the names are “familiar” and that’s why they keep coming into my mind. Or if I’m actually seriously supposed to look at both of them and see if either one seems to fit with all of this. It’s all a ridiculous little conundrum. I’m not so sure I want mischief right now. But then again, if someone is really wanting to contact me, there’s got to be a reason for it. I’m sure there’s probably some stuff out there for me to read, so I’m doing internet searches. Sadly all my mythology books are at home, 7.000 miles away, so I’ll have to do without those. Because I can’t really ask my mom to go reading through them for me. She’d have no clue what to look for, plus, I have a feeling that my answer might not be in my books.

Ugh. This is just ridiculous though. So specificity is the new game I suppose. Because something is seriously bothering me, and it clearly wants attention.

Pagan Blog Prompt: Growth

Pagan Blog Prompt: Growth

As the growing season presses onward, we should be seeing signs of growth all around us….

Where are you seeing growth in your life right now?

If you look hard enough, I’m sure you could find it….

Well….this is interesting for me.

I’m sure that I could look a lot of different ways. Perhaps best though is to look at myself. Which seems obvious, but is always hardest for me. I don’t like looking at myself. It usually makes me see things I don’t like. That’s good in a way, because once I see things I don’t like, I can try to change. But it’s uncomfortable and painful at times. My own image of myself isn’t at it’s greatest. I’m feeling better about how I see myself physically. Hell, I’m getting to where I feel pretty again. Not hot, not gorgeous…but definitely attractive under the right circumstances. That’s a start.

But once I look inwards, well then my nice feelings explode.

Some Sort of Holiday

So I’ve a rant to share. It’s Memorial Day in the States today. I’m sure glad that I can even write something like this. In some places I couldn’t. There’s just how the US works things, so I suppose it is good. Then again…I also despise certain parts of this holiday. No, I’ll rephrase that, I dislike certain people on holidays like this. And I think I have a good reason to as well.

Then and Now

August 2011

May 2012

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

So this is me. First in August, then in May. Basically this is just to show how much I’ve changed in appearance. I look closer to how I did back in summer 2008, right before my senior year of high school.

Like I’ve said, I lost weight. A lot of it. I feel far better about myself now than I did back in August. I feel happier, more content, just more like myself again. I feel more confident as well. And that makes me far more likely to actually work and learn. Because if I don’t feel bad, I have more energy to do things such as research, practice and learning.

I just like having a reminder for myself. It’s nice to know I’ve come so far, especially considering just how much difficulty I had before in trying to get healthier. I think I’ve learned – stress is the ultimate killer for my work-ethic. I just need to keep giving myself ways to relax (music, reading, enjoying outside time) and then make sure I keep up the exercise and work to ensure I stay this way.

So yes, in short. This is me in 9 month-span, from being unhappy/unhealthy to being far more happy/content and also quite a bit healthier. I think positive reinforcement is a good thing at times, so this is mine.

Music as an Inspiration

Tchaikovsky’s 1812 Overture.

This is my favorite song of all time. It’s always been my favorite. I’ve had to play the trumpet line before (as a clarinetist), but the clarinet part is amazing as well. In any case, this song means a lot to me.

Not sure why, but it’s soothing. You’d think the epic masterpiece that he wrote at the behest of the Tsar to commemorate defeating Napoleon would be a bit more stimulating than soothing. And it is, at times. But I also can listen to it to calm down, to center myself and to just feel more calm and at ease. And I suppose that’s the fun part. I listen to this all the time to relax, or as a break from homework/study. It’s also quite good for just listening to if you want a change of mood, at least in my experience. In any case, I should note, I’m a Russian history buff. I love it. Which is how I came across this song originally. But in the long run, I always loved Tchaikovsky, so this just made things all the more fun. It’s a good song, one that I’ve discovered I can use for lots of different purposes. Like relaxing, working on an essay, or just for fun.

I just felt like sharing my favorite song. It’s been very helpful the last few days to try and relax and get some perspective amidst the stress I’m going through.

My New Home

So I have a flat/suite/apartment, whatever you want to call it, on campus for next year. I’m extremely excited. And it’s basically like a loft, so it’s one bedroom. Difference is, it’s not a loft above the main area. So I suppose loft isn’t correct, but it works as an explanation. I don’t have roommates. Which will be a bit weird after 11 months of 14 roommates, but I can get used to that as well. After all, living alone is great for me. It’s quiet and I can concentrate unlike with loads of people. And the ultimate bonus for me – not having to be stuck with 1/4 of the bill for any damages done by another roommate. Because I take good care of my residence. I don’t put holes in walls, or ruin things…not at all. But other people at my uni have been known to do things like that. And if I had roommates, I get stuck paying 1/4 of (in the 4-bedroom apartment) the bill. If I was in a 2-bedroom apartment – that’s 1/2 the bill. I can’t afford to pay for someone else’s bad behavior. So this is just doubly awesome for me.

It’s small. I have a small kitchen with fridge and small stove, and I can have a microwave (not allowed in all the other buildings on campus). I’ve also got my own bathroom, so I don’t have to share. Then there’s the bed, desk, table with chairs, dresser, couch-thingy and my favorite – a bookcase. The only problem with the bookcase is the fact that I own over 500 books. So I have to choose just a tiny number to bring with me. Good thing is that I’ll be living only 20 miles from where all my stuff is stored, so I’ll still be able to go and get things, it just won’t be right at my fingertips like normal. But it is small. I think only double the size or perhaps a bit bigger than my room right here in Germany, but I don’t mind. One of my friends was shocked when I said it’ll be just under 300 sq. ft. She thought that was tiny. I had to point out that her dorm room is smaller than that, so it’s not small at all. And I’m alone, so it’s even better, because I don’t have to halve the room with anyone else and their stuff. It’s going to be fun moving in I think. I have no idea what I’m bringing with me. I’ll worry about that later though I think.

But, since I’m all alone, I can actually set up a mini-altar if I want to. That’s possibly my favorite part. Because I don’t even have to consider anymore hiding what my beliefs are. It’s going to be small and probably portable, just because my studio isn’t that big to begin with. But it’ll be nice to actually be able to have my own space and not have to worry about it. Or be told that I’m “going through a phase”. Well, I’ll still hear that from my family, but since it’s my space, there’s not a whole lot they can do about any of it. I have a few small figurines, stones, and other things that I know for sure I’ll have with me there. Perhaps less witchy in nature, but very important are two things I’ve gotten here in Germany, and 1 thing that my grandma bought me for my 16th birthday.

Matryoshka

• First one is the matryoshka set I bought in Strasbourg, France. Strasbourg is a really fascinating city. But…I went to their Weihnachtsmarkt (Christmas Market) and I happened across a woman selling these. She’s said that all the sets she sells are handmade in Russia. I’ll agree with that. Even if they aren’t, it’s still gorgeous. See, I’ve wanted a real set of these since I was like 6, the first time I ever saw photos of matryoshka. Of course, I’m sure my obsession is also because I just find Russian culture fascinating. But…I love this set and it’s just nice. So it’s definitely going to be coming with me to my new home. Also, it’s bright, colorful, and I figure, I’m allowed to have whatever I want. The matryoshka is also just something that I enjoy having. And it’ll make my studio feel more like home to me. That’s the main reason I’m going to have these here with me. I bought another set as well, smaller, but that one isn’t quite as nice. I still like it, but this one is the set I’ll use for display and decoration, just because it’s bigger and more brightly painted. I love both sets, but I think that unless I have more room for displaying my things than I’m assuming, I’ll have to choose only one. If I can display both, then I’m doing that.

Painted Egg

• Second, I have this wooden egg that I bought also in Strasbourg, except this was back in September.

The store I bought this in was a really cute little store off one of the main roads near the Münster (cathedral). Actually, I found it totally by accident while wandering around with another one of the kids in the program. I’m sure he thought I was a nut-job, but that’s okay. I mean, he did flat tell me that he’d never seen anyone take nearly as many photos as I did. And then, my strangely broad knowledge of Russian history he said was unusual. But oh well. This store was filled with really beautiful things. They had matryoshka sets, but the smallest ones, the same size as the set I bought at the Weihnachtsmarkt, were 100 Euro. Unfortunately, I certainly didn’t have that kind of money to spend. But then I saw this set of 2 little eggs. I could only buy 1 of them, but they were of 2 different cities. One was St. Petersburg. The other, this one, was Moscow. It’s got the Kremlin painted onto it, in case that’s not obvious. It also has, off to the side, St. Basil’s Cathedral. Really gorgeous, tiny work, absolutely stunning. I got this one because I’ve wanted to see Moscow longer than St. Petersburg. Also, the Kremlin and St. Basil’s Cathedral are my 2 favorite things I want to see in Russia. I still want to see lots of stuff in St. Petersburg, but I had to choose just one. But in any case, this is amazing work. Seeing it in person is just insane. I mean…it’s really difficult to even see how amazing it is here.

This is going with me though, because it’s pretty. Also, I suppose it’s a bit of a reminder for me about dreams. Because I seriously am planning my trip to Russia (hopefully in 2 or 3 years), and this is a way to keep dreaming. After all, reminders are always good. And this one is just absolutely stunning. My only problem is that I know what this art is called (the painted wood eggs), but I can’t remember it. I learned it years ago from a friend who’s parents had emigrated from Russia. But I was about 8 or 9 at the time, and I can’t remember it anymore. Still, even without knowing what it’s called, it is gorgeous.

• The third thing that is an absolute must for my studio/altar is a statue. It’s a ceramic figurine from the Lomonosov company.

Jaguar

My grandma bought me this for my 16th birthday. Mine has a red monogram, without any other words. Which, according to all my research into Lomonosov, means that it was made during the Soviet-period. Which was amazing to learn, and I was surprised as well. My grandma bought it for me, knowing I love Russian history and culture, and that I collect absolutely everything therein related if I can. This jaguar though, I absolutely love it. I have 2 more Lomonosov figurines I’ve bought since, but that’s because they’re difficult for me to find back at home, and I’m not buying them from online unless I can be sure that it’s genuine. Because I know a few people who have bought porcelain figurines from other companies online (say like one of the reseller websites – I seriously can’t remember what the big one’s called, oh well), I mean they bought what they thought was brand X figurine from an online seller, and the figurines turned out to be fakes. I don’t want that to happen, so I like to look at them. I’m sure I could still be tricked, but I at least like to hold them before I buy them.

In any case, I love this figurine. It’s adorable, stunning…and just absolutely amazing. Plus, I kind of feel like I’m closer to home when I have it. I don’t really know why. Perhaps because my grandma’s no longer here, so it’s a way to kind of connect. In any case, I love felines, and so I’m definitely going to need feline-esque creatures on my altar. And I figure, what better place to start than this one? Because this was the first nice piece of porcelain/ceramic that I ever got to own. Not to mention, wild cats are special to me. Not sure why yet, but they always have been.

So. That’s my only concrete plan honestly. I just know these 3 things are certainties. I don’t have any of the “usual” witchy tools like athame, cauldron/chalice, wand, etc. Never been allowed to, since it’s just “a phase” to my family, so they’ve always said no. Since I lack the more traditional tools, I can be more at home with my own little things. After all, I’m not really the most traditional witch/pagan out there, and I certainly won’t be able to – living on campus – have a lot of the normal tools. So I’ll make do and enjoy myself with things that suit me better. But I think that even knowing these 3 things makes me feel better. It’s kind of more relaxing and calming to think about moving into a new space when I know what I want to bring with me. So even just a super basic idea has me calmer and more ready to move into a new place when I get back home.

All in all – I’m actually excited to move on campus.

Related articles

• College and the Trials of Being Pagan (witchsjourney.wordpress.com)

When Things Go Well…

I should know to look for the trouble.

I’ve been doing okay. Extremely busy with school, but that’s nothing to worry about. It’s normal. In fact, being busy is preferable to being bored to death. But…I should know better than to think too much on it. I’m just generally having trouble in believing anything that my family says. Or, for that matter trusting my sister. She’s decided that now, after years of calling me a liar, that I’m telling the truth. Not really in the mood to listen. And my family all seems to think that I’m just complaining. No. I think that I’ve done a good job about not complaining, considering everything they’ve put me through over the years. In fact, by patience standard, sometimes I think I deserve a medal. (I kid here) So it’s been a rough few weeks. I’ve got 4 history classes finally sorted out, so I’m catching up in one of them, since I started in week 3. I’ll be good by the end of this week. That means I’ll be all up to speed and can start researching my Hausarbeit themes for 2 uni courses, while writing the Hausarbeit for a program course. Should be a busy time until end of July when I go home.

However, in awesome news – I am moving into a campus apartment. So I get privacy and freedom. I’m looking forward to having my own space all to myself. It’s a 1-bedroom suite, so I don’t even have roommates to worry about, which is the best part. So I’m planning on how to set up a simple little altar with simple things that are in no way objectionable to university policies. This makes for more fun in my life, and it makes me a happier person. So at least there’s some good news in my fun times lately.