Terezín and Prague

So I’ve been in Prague and Dresden for a week, pardon the lack of posting. I haven’t really had internet access, and it was a really long week to travel. I saw lots of things I love and am glad to have seen though, so it was definitely worth it.

While in the Czech Republic we (my program) went to Theresienstadt – the concentration camp just outside the Czech city Terezín. Definitely a shock to the system. Seeing something like that is disturbing in any circumstances, but I think it good to visit sites like this, so people can see what has happened in the past. But, it was shocking. Because my family is from the Czech Republic…and theoretically some of my family could have been held as political prisoners, if not in Theresienstadt then perhaps in another prison. Because if my family in that time is anything like my family today – they would have been outspoken and would have been unwilling to go along with the regime. That’s speculation of course, and it’s very likely that no one in my grandparents’ extended families was there, but just the very thought that it could have happened is a bit unnerving. Not to mention – the site is just creepy to begin with. There’s this quiet intensity there, like energy that has never gone away. So seeing that was something of a shock. Also, I suppose there’s something to the fact that I am the first person in my family in 3 generations to go back ‘home’ and seeing something like that does really strike at the heart and soul. Not that I would wish to not have seen it…but I think there’s something to be said for me seeing Theresienstadt long before I see any of the more traditional sites that people visit. I’ve never been to a concentration camp before, but I don’t know if I could see another. The energy is sad, depressing. I would like to know what has happened, accept it, remember it…but move on to the future. Because I think that the spirit of a people is far more what they are in the present, what they’ve made of themselves, than in past events.

For me seeing Prague, alive and full of people, was more of what the Czech people are. It’s a huge city…full of life and the atmosphere is amazing. I think I have a thing for food and beliefs….because I always seem to be most comfortable where I find good food and a city that is bustling. Czech food is delicious. Even as a vegetarian I had no problems. Actually, for all that the Czechs usually have a far more meat-heavy diet than even Germans, I had less trouble finding food in Prague than I’ve had in the 6 months I’ve been living in Germany. But, I like food and it makes me feel more at home in a city with good food and good atmosphere. So Prague was warm, inviting…absolutely stunning. I got to wander the Old City, see the astronomical clock, visit museums and go shopping. I bought some Bohemian crystal, nothing fancy but they are quite nice and I just felt at peace in buying them. So I have a lion, a globe and a dragon sitting on top of a crystal ball. Those three are nice, because they kind of called to me. I have a thing for all feline creatures, and I’ve always liked dragons. The globe was for travel, so I think I’d gotten a little push to buy these things.

I loved seeing the Czech Republic though. It was warm and inviting, the people are nice and friendly. A lot of the kids in the program had complaints about how the Czechs were “cold, stand-offish, reserved, unfriendly”, or about how they would just walk right past the kids if they were standing on a sidewalk. I had not noticed any of this, or seen anything strange about how the people were. I thought that they reminded me a lot of my family. Well, not so surprising, when my family is partly Czech. But…I don’t think the people are any of that. Reservation I understand – it makes sense with the history. But I found them all nice, polite, perhaps not the most verbose and immediately talkative like an US citizen would expect, though they were quite friendly if you were patient and were willing to listen. I had one woman, when I was buying some of my crystal, ask me why I was speaking to her in English. She had thought I was a native Czech and had been confused about why I didn’t just speak Czech. That was perhaps the highlight of my week. I was surprised she’d thought it, but it was also pleasant to realize that people thought I was just another one of the natives. So perhaps I’m far more like my Czech family than I had thought before. And while most of the students had problems with the “cold” Czech people, I think it more an inherent difference in attitudes and expectations. US citizens talk too much in public sometimes, they’re very forward and intrusive at times…all part of US culture. Not part of Czech culture. So the discomfort from most of my classmates I think stemmed from laying artificial expectations over a people that they would be “American”, when that’s clearly impossible.

Ah, but this isn’t completely just related to my beliefs. It is quite personal, I am aware. I think though….getting to go back to where my family comes from is helpful. I learned a lot about myself, and about how I see things. Seeing Theresienstadt was hard, but it was also something that I’m glad I saw. Going to Prague was also something I’m grateful for. I know more about myself and about my family than before. I also saw more of myself in the area around Prague…and in it’s people, so it was a bit of self-discovery for me. I’m sure I’ll be able to put this into better words eventually, when I’ve been home longer than 24 hours with not too much sleep. But I wanted to write something, because seeing Prague was perhaps one of the best decisions I’ve made.

Speaking of St. Patrick’s Day…

I’m a bit annoyed with the holiday. Not for any religious reason, it’s a people-related annoyance.

I mean, I can fully respect the story of him as the converter of Ireland, as a myth of the Church. I don’t believe it, since I doubt he personally converted everyone in Ireland, but I can respect it as part of their truth. I don’t agree with it, especially the part about driving snakes from the island. I’m pretty sure that no snakes is not uncommon, given the fact that it’s an island. And I wasn’t aware that Great Britain had snakes either, or at least not a lot. But that’s a side note, not so important for this. I can respect the Church stories and agree that celebrating what they claim happened is important. Because it’s part of their tradition and belief, I can accept that I don’t agree with the story, but I can respect that others do believe so, and I’m quite glad that they are comfortable with that belief.

Pagan Blog Prompt: Names

Pagan Blog Prompts: What’s in a Name?

Do you have a witch/magic name(s)?
If more than one, is one reserved for ritual use, with another that you go by to everyone else?

If you do use a witch/magic name, how did you come by yours? Was it ‘given’ to you? Were you lead to it? Or did you pick it yourself?
If you don’t use a witch/magic name, why not?

 

Right. So when I was younger I wanted a magic name, because it seemed like everyone had one. Articles I found online usually had an author with a name like “Purple Dragonmouse” (yes, I just made that up. Sorry it is atrocious). Or the ones like “Lady (insert random Tolkien-eque Elf-name here)”. So I thought that I really needed a name myself, though I couldn’t really see myself having any name like the examples there, because it just seemed hoaky. I couldn’t see myself actually calling myself anything like that and taking it seriously. And it seemed like to do witchcraft, or to be a pagan, you had to have a name like this. (To be fair though, most of these sites were probably full of fluffy information, especially since I remember every site that I found these names on always had discussions about how real witches don’t use curses.) However, all the sites and books said to meditate on it, think about it, talk to your spirits/gods about it…and make sure you’re really certain. Because you can’t change it. Now, I’m sure that yes, you normally don’t want to go around changing your name every other week or so, but I think that sometimes people change and their name changes as well. I guess, a bit like nicknames. I had some nicknames from when I was 5 or 6 that no one ever uses anymore. I’ve grown out of them. The whole, you can’t change it ever thing confused me. And I never was certain that I found any name that I would have for “forever”.

So I have the name I use here, “Gamayun”, but that’s just for online. I don’t care if anyone used my real name, Emily, and it’s not like anyone outside of the internet world knows about the name for online. I suppose that means it is not a real name or such, it’s just a way to keep a bit of anonymity from my real life, where most people I know are only vaguely aware of my beliefs. Internet handle I think is an appropriate word to use, because it really is that. All of which is just to say that I do not use a “magic name”.

I’m not sure I even want to anymore. I think that my own personal name is more than fine. Perhaps one day down the line I might change my mind, I can’t say for certain. But now, I just don’t want a new name. It might just be a change to my attitude, very likely, but I’m at a point where I think that if it’s not my birth name, I’m not being myself. Since I’ve been working to figure out who I am and what I am, using another name than my own just does not make any sense to me. I’d rather go with the certainly boring and mundane Emily than use another name that perhaps doesn’t suit me so well. And I’ve actually learned that my name has a pretty interesting linguistic history and meaning behind it, so I suppose it’s actually far more interesting that it originally seems.

But perhaps foremost in my reason for not using a magic name is that my real name is just me. I doubt that another name could show me any better. And so, at this point in my life, I don’t want a name, or see a reason to search for one. I’m more than happy with the one I already have. And if my real name represents me, then I should be more than happy with that. And thankfully, I am very happy with just my usual, daily life name.

On “Celtic Magic” and the Intro of the Bunny

Amazon.com Listing for this.

I bought a copy of this when I was 11 years old, my very first “witchy” book with my own money. Pretty sure I mentioned this earlier, in one of the Coming Into This blogs (1st I believe), no matter. I liked the cover, it was Celtic…and of course, magic. In my interest I pretty much leapt on this book, since it had loads of things I liked. I had no clue what to look for in pagan/Wiccan/witchcraft books back then. After all, I’d never had one before, and no one around me was interested or knew anything about any of the “occult” things I was interested in, so I was out on a limb.

I’m going to talk a bit about my memories of this book, its contents and what exactly it means to me today, almost 10 years after I bought it.

Gamayun

Gamayun: The Prophet Bird. Victor Vasnetsov.

So that’s the Gamayun. It’s a creature, a bird actually, from Russian folklore. It’s prophetic, symbolizes wisdom and knowledge. Now, for a history major, wisdom and knowledge are goals. As a very interested person of Russian descent, this is a fascinating creature. I have “Gamayun” as my name because wisdom and knowledge are two things I strive for. Being prophetic, well that’s a bonus. – I kid there. I’m not so sure outright prophecy is something I’d like. In any case, I like the name, I like what it symbolizes and I like the artwork.

Of course, I’m not certain as to what role (if any) they play in mythology, I’m guessing not much since I can’t find a lot of mentions of the Gamayun before the 19th Century, and Slavic mythology was pretty well submersed within Orthodoxy centuries earlier. But even folklore is worth learning, and this creature is a fun one. More interesting than a harpy, at least to me. It’s a bird with a woman’s head most usually. Two other folklore bird-women are the Sirin and Alkonost. Both of them are quite interesting as well. I’ll have to do a post on them later, because they’re fascinating as well.

Bunny

My second tattoo, 19th birthday gift to myself.

Still not sure what symbolism the bunny/rabbit has for me, but it means a lot.

Heritage

So, as promised: the reasoning behind my odd mix of interests, and my blog’s name as well I think.

My family is predominantly eastern/central European in heritage. Russian, Polish, Czech, and German. Now, I count the German in this and not ‘western’ Europe because from all the family stories, and from what I know of my family history, it’s likely that my family from the German side were living in the very farthest east regions, well before it was “Germany”, supposedly late 1800s from Germany to the States (that’s a rumor and so a bit unprovable). I’m sure that probably additional research would show someone along the line in the German part of my family’s history that lived in the more western reaches of what we call Germany now, but most came from farther east. Actually, my family name is Czech, so that’s a dead giveaway there. The other part of the heritage is Celtic. Irish/Scottish and Welsh/English. Pretty much I know, according to a cousin’s research which Scottish clan my family descends from, that my family left Ireland before my great-great-grandparents’ time, and that my grandma was 1/2 Welsh, but supposedly one of her parents had a hint of English blood.

Now, to be fair – since no one past my grandparents is alive anymore (minus one great-grandma, but she married into the family, so she doesn’t know my blood heritage for one half of the family…paired with an adoption around 1900 without paperwork as was common at the time – and then you’ve got information that no one can completely sort out) I can’t prove a lot of tiny details. I do know though what I am. No one really kept records, beyond oral tradition type stuff, so if a story didn’t get told, it’s likely I’ll probably never be able to learn it. I do know that my genealogy is right though, so the countries are all in order.

So, splitting these into the particular mythologies that fit: Slavic, Celtic & Anglo-Saxon, Germanic. Celtic was easy to link into, because my family is very Irish about things, not to mention that it was easy to find books about the Celts in what is now Great Britain. Germanic I don’t relate a lot to, but I am trying to learn more, since it is a small part of my heritage. Anglo-Saxon mythology – well the interest in that started with Beowulf. I’ve wanted to learn the language for years, so that always peaked my interest in that culture (Tolkien using them as the basis for the Rohirrim in LOTR didn’t hurt either, they’re my favorites). Then there’s the Slavic. I’ve always been fascinated with Slavic mythology, creatures, legends…pretty much anything about the people fascinates me. I want to learn several of the languages as well, once I can actually devote the time therein. However, it’s really difficult to find anything at all on this mythology, since it isn’t as popular as say Celtic, Germanic, Norse mythologies, Greek or Roman, even religions like Hinduism, Buddhism and Taoism/Daoism get more notice in the States. Nothing is wrong with any of this, but it was frustrating to younger me, who wanted to learn more from reliable sources. I have a newer recommendation of a book to get, so that’s a start.

Basically then – I have 3 main interests in my paganism studies: Celtic, Anglo-Saxon and Slavic. They draw me the most and fascinate me more than most others. I still surf into random other points of interest, but these three cultures call to me the deepest and I seem to have a greater connection with them than with others.

As for the blog name: “Celtic Witch’s Journey”. Bit of a misnomer, once I’m clear that I’m more central/eastern European than I am of Celtic descent. So, I’m 3/8ths “Celtic/Anglo-Saxon” by heritage and 5/8ths “Slavic/(one small part)Germanic”. And really, by looks and temperament I’ve been told on numerous occasions that I’m far more central/eastern European in nature than I am Celtic, but that’s just one part of it. I chose the blog name because my basis right now is in Celtic mythology. I know most about it and I’m most familiar and comfortable with it. I’m branching out to learn more about the rest of my heritage from that place where I’m most comfortable and knowledgeable. So for all intents and purposes, at the moment I am a “Celtic Witch”, on my own journey to learn about the rest of my heritage.

So, perhaps a bit convoluted as to how I chose my blog name, but there you have it. My heritage-based reasons for research in a very small nutshell.

Soon

And by soon I mean either tomorrow or Sunday, I’m going to write up why my name on here is Gamayun. Good story, and fun too, or at least i think so. I’m also going to put up a piece explaining why exactly I’m looking into my own heritage, and how it’s really a bit bizarre as to what I’m drawn to. So that’s what’s up on the agenda for tomorrow or so, once I’ve gotten more work done on real-life, mundane university Hausarbeit that’s due at the end of the month.

Firebird

The firebird or zhar-ptitsa is from Russian (Slavic) mythology. I first learned about the real creature itself from listening to Stravinsky’s The Firebird Suite. The best known of the firebird stories, at least to English-speakers is “Tsarevitch Ivan, the Firebird and the Grey Wolf”. Another interesting one is “The Firebird, The Horse of Power and the Princess Vasilisa”.

Prince Ivan and the Firebird

In the folklore the firebird is a large bird with glowing plumage of red, orange, yellow. When plucked, the feathers don’t stop glowing, and one is enough to light up a room if not covered up. Usually the quest for catching the firebird starts when the firebird comes at night and eats golden apples from the Tsar’s garden. So he sets his two eldest sons to catching the bird, but they both fall asleep. The youngest son, Ivan, manages to stay awake and almost catches the bird, retaining just a feather. From there, he goes out to retrieve the firebird.

This bird came to mind for me though because it’s a bit of a conundrum. To possess the firebird is good, considering the beauty of it, and the glowing plumage. But it also leads to quite a lot of misfortune, i.e. Ivan’s travails in retrieving the bird, or how his brothers end up after stealing the bird from him. A bit of a confusing way to look at things, but it makes sense also. After all, magic birds as a quest aren’t too surprising. Also, it eventually ends up that the hardships and troubles suffered by the seeker are far outweighed by the good things that happen. Or at least, that’s how the Tsarevitch Ivan story goes. In any case, the firebird does make for interesting story-telling. It causes problems but is a great reward.

Phoenix

The firebird is similar to the phoenix. Phoenixes are scarlet and gold in plumage, with a 1000 year life cycle, before it burns to ash, to be reborn. They looked a bit like peacocks, or were seen that way by the Greeks, though I believe also occasionally they were seen as eagle-formed. It’s a symbol of renewal and immortality. So it seems that the firebird acquired a far different set of meanings than the phoenix.

Now, how this relates to me personally. My family comes from Russia, so this fascinates me. The sheer fact that I’ve rarely found anything at all about Slavic mythology, folklore or beliefs in libraries or bookstores is another reason I’ve always been interested. Sadly that means I’ve had to rely on internet resources alone for stories about the firebird, but cross-referencing is at least a way to partially ensure that the information is correct.

Just a little bit of information on a fascinating creature.

Sources:

“Storming the Castles” – idea for post

SurLaLune Fairy Tales – “Tsarevitch Ivan, the Firebird and the Gray Wolf”

Firebird (Slavic folklore) – checked for spelling of zhar-ptitsa

Pagan Blog Prompt: Illness

Pagan Blog Prompts: Illness:

How do you deal with illness?

Does being sick hinder your magic work?

Do you employ magic to make yourself healthy again?

What about others? Do you work magic to heal other people?

So I’m working off this one. I suppose this one struck me, because it’s thanks to an illness that I really re-looked at myself the last year and a half.

See, my grandma got sick suddenly at the beginning of October 2010. I was away at college and I got a call from my mom, telling me my grandma had fallen on her property, went to the hospital, and they said she had pneumonia after doing chest x-rays because of her cough. No big deal, she had medication for it, and she’d be doing well again in just a few weeks. I can’t remember really the next sequence of events totally clearly, I never will either, I know that. I think it was three days later that I got another call; my grandma was in the hospital.

She was in a coma, and the whole family found out that she had lung cancer. She had to have known, at least from the pneumonia, but I think she’d known for a long time and hadn’t told us so no one would worry about her. So three days after finding out my grandma had cancer, my dad, aunt and uncle agreed that she would have never wanted to be hooked up in a hospital wasting away. I didn’t go and see her. I love my grandma dearly; I always have and always will. But she would not have wanted me or my sibling, her only grandchildren, to see her like that. She would have wanted us to remember her alive and happy, spending time with family either on the lake, in town, at school music functions for my sibling and I…doing things that were fun. So I couldn’t bring myself to go and see her.

I quit practicing completely at that point; I was too shocked and upset. I stopped researching; looking into anything…I just gave up. I barely managed to pass my classes that semester, even being at the point of almost having to repeat a class for my major though I managed to barely scrape a good enough grade to avoid that likelihood; I just couldn’t care or focus at that point. But I realized a few months afterwards that just giving up on everything was not what my grandma would have wanted. I took the time off that I needed, and then began researching again. I started with the Irish and Scottish mythologies, my grandma always wanted to go to Ireland. But I branched out and I’ve come to terms with it. Not gotten over it, that can never happen.

When someone close to me is really sick I don’t do well at all magically or spiritually. It puts my whole mind and self out of order, completely shakes me. I don’t do magic to heal people, I don’t do it for myself. I know that illness cannot be helped at times by anything humans have access to now, not even magic and belief. I also just have not seen the point in working magic on other people; it isn’t really in my practice right now. Perhaps down the line I might try to ease someone close to me from pain or discomfort, but right now I can’t do it, and I wouldn’t.

As for myself, I don’t take medication unless I am sick enough to have to go to a doctor and they say that I’m required to. I just have never been big on medicine, pills, liquids…none of it. I’m also very rarely sick. I get the occasional seasonal cold, I’ve had a few flu-bugs over the years, but I’m remarkably healthy, which is a shock considering my medical conditions, but that’s a complete other story. If I’m actually sick, I just don’t have the concentration or willpower to do any workings or magic. If I don’t have the will or intent I won’t do it, because that’s a waste of my time and the time of those I’m working with. I know that trying to work without being focused and steady is a mistake, so I don’t do any work when I’m sick unless I must. Since I’m so very rarely sick I don’t bother to heal myself. The occasional cold or flu is no harm to me; it’s actually a benefit in some respects, since it means my immune system is working wonders. If I were constantly sick, I might try to heal myself, but I don’t know for sure.

I’d never thought too much on illness before seeing the prompt here. But I suppose, once I actually thought through it, illness pretty much socked me into admitting things about my beliefs that I hadn’t really consciously admitted to. It was really because of my grandma that I realized that I need to do what was best for me, to do what I wanted to…and to be myself. So the fact is, much as I’d never seen it, illness had a major impact on my beliefs and life.