Family Clan

One would think that my sister would know more about this than I do. After all, she’s the one who does the Highland Dance, plays bass drum in the Pipe Band…and hangs out with the bagpipers at all times. Sure, my high school was the Highlanders (pretty awesome, of course), but I wasn’t involved in any of the ultra-Scottish heritage activities. I just never had any time for them, not after all the band activities that I was already in.

Our family is Irish, but within the Irish family line, someone along the line had come from Scotland, probably moving to Ireland and marrying into an Irish family. Because we know which Scottish clan we come from. If I didn’t know this little fact, I would have no clue whatsoever about any of these little facts. So I have to here thank a cousin somewhat removed from me for doing the family research into the family history to find that little tidbit out for us.

Bruce

“Ancient” – Bruce clan tartan

Our family’s Scottish tartan is from the Bruce clan. So somewhere back along the line, our family came from that clan, before moving to Ireland. That was pretty interesting to learn, since it’s a unique little thing to learn about our family. And it is a pretty cool tartan. I actually like the family tartan in the ancient tartan form, it’s pretty to look at.

My sister went to Scotland in 2011, competed in the Highland Games, and wanted to bring back some of the family tartan to sew with. But, she had no clue which clan it was before she was going to be going off to Scotland. As to that – how I’m the one who knows all this (and I’m the one who knows far more about our Eastern European heritage and family) is beyond me. But I had to be the one to tell her. Of course, my sister doesn’t like the Bruce clan tartan much, and to be fair, the modern one is a bit too bright for my taste. The orange is more bright, not an orange-brown like the “ancient” pattern is. So she wasn’t terribly thrilled. Instead of our tartan, she brought back some other one.

It’s not a huge deal, but I like knowing where our family comes from. And knowing which clan our family originated from is something nice to know. It’s one part of the complicated history of our family.

Flower Meaning

Something that I don’t normally put much stock in, in all honesty. After all, I don’t really know which meanings are accurate, and which ones aren’t. Not to mention, the whole language doesn’t quite work for me anymore. Plus, all the websites that tell you what a flower supposedly symbolizes – well they all say flowers mean different things. Which just gets terribly frustrating for me.

When you aren’t looking for meanings of daisies, roses, tulips and daffodils, it’s even more difficult to find information as well, I might add.

For example:

Amaryllis Belladonna

Amaryllis Belladonna

This is the Amaryllis flower. Which is my absolute favorite flower. I’ve loved it for quite some time, though it’s taken me quite a few years to figure out the name of it. They’re sometimes called “march lilies” in South Africa, and another pair of common names are “naked lilies” or “naked ladies”.

I’ve always wanted to try and grow amaryllis, but unfortunately I have an atrocious luck with growing flowers or plants. I happen to kill pretty much everything I try to grow. So I’m afraid to even attempt to grow one in a pot, which it seems that it would be possible to attempt. I think for now I’ll refrain from attempting to grow them, and perhaps start with something I would be less attached to, if it were to die.

But, as for flower meanings, amaryllis can stand for:

  • Pride
  • Worth beyond beauty
  • Drama
  • Pastoral poetry

So pretty much – it has multiple meanings. Which is fine, but not really helpful.

I’m thinking though, I like the second one, “worth beyond beauty” best of all. Though, to be honest, “pride” would also describe me rather well on another front. I just figure, I don’t really like flower meanings, or flower language, so I don’t use it. I prefer to just like the few flowers that I like, and enjoy them for how pretty that they are.

 

Spell for Finding

…A husband/boyfriend/love. Which seems to be a pretty popular topic on Tumblr. And something I do not get in the slightest.

I mean, the wording on the spells is what bothers me. Or rather, since most of these people don’t post the actual spell, but just say what they want from the spell, and their intent, that’s what scares and freaks me out. Because most of these people have a pretty frightening idea of their intent for what they want to do. Regardless of spell wording specifically, if they choose not to share the exact word-choice for their spell, there is the problem of their intent for the spell that they are going to write and perform. And most of these people seem to not realize that their intent has a major problem for it.

The intent for most of these spells seems to be pretty direct.

It’s always, “I want person X to fall in love with me.” Or, “I want person X to marry me.”

That isn’t exactly comforting. I mean…think about the choice of language there. Directing the spell at a specific person is problematic, in all honesty. At least, from my perspective it is. Because once you say, “I want specific individual to have specific feelings for me”, you take away all their individual choice in the matter. It is no longer their mind and heart that get to choose how they feel about you as a person, but your spell that has them feeling a certain way.

So, say I cast a spell, asking that my friend V falls in love with me, and he does. Awesome for me, right? Actually, no. Not really a good idea at all, if you think about it. I mean, V falling in love with me might have been a timing coincidence. But if I’m performing a spell, I had damned well better believe in it, right? So, I believe it worked. Well then, how do I ever know, ever be sure that V isn’t just in love with me because I cast a spell for V to fall in love with me? The truth is, I never can be certain that the spell wasn’t a part of it. I would always have to wonder. And, if I ever told V what I had done, I risk losing him. Who wouldn’t feel betrayed to know that their feelings might have been manipulated so directly?

Divider Grey

Now, asking for love to come my way, that is to me, very different.

If I ask for a love that is correct for both parties involved, then I feel more confident asking for that. However, I still think there are too many variables. It is still problematic. I mean…there are potentially dependents involved more than just the 2 people who are going to fall in love. What if I have a pet (I always will, I know this), and the other person is extremely allergic to cats? There is a third party that is incompatible. That is a problem. Minor to some, perhaps to this potential partner’s views, but major to mine, because I will not live without a pet cat in my life, that is just a given for me.

And in general, I just find that casting spells for love, for husbands or boyfriends or significant others to be too much. There are too many variables that can go wrong. There are too many ways to step on toes and cause problems. Not to mention, there are too many land-mines per say with the word-choices and wordings that can blow up in one’s face with how a spell must be cast. I suspect that I may be overly cautious here. But I would rather be far too cautious than have something blow up in my face for mistakenly casting a spell that I cannot control or did not mean to cast by accidental language choice.

I just have never understood why so many people on Tumblr are so obsessed with wanting to learn these spells. Or why so many cast them, and then wait anxiously for results. I mean, I have no mundane luck with finding dates, and I doubt that any supernatural or spiritual push will help me. But, I certainly do not want to accidentally screw up mundane chances with spiritual workings. And yet, so many people on Tumblr seem intent on pushing through with these types of spells like it is child’s play and there are no consequences.

 

House Spirits

I’ve always wondered about whether house spirits are something I should work with. When I was younger, living in an old Victorian house, I would have. It would have made sense then. We had a bit of property with the house, and it would have made sense to offer something to the spirits of the house. But, moving into a newer house, I never was quite sure how that worked out. I’ve still yet to reconcile how I feel about houses say in a new development. Perhaps I would have to invite a house spirit in. That might be something to consider, an event I’m not sure about as of yet.

Now though, I’m living in an apartment (well, will be living in after graduation). I don’t know about house spirits in apartments. I don’t know about experience in that type of situation. Do house spirits work in apartments? That’s something that I don’t know about. I mean…I can see how it might work, but then again, I’m not completely sure. There are situations where I could see having the support and also help of house spirits as being a good thing. But then, working with them, I know that times they can be very temperamental sorts. So I’m not sure that I want to open that kind of relationship, or invite them into my house, without being very certain of the sorts that I’ll be having into my house.

And, since my mom isn’t really a fan of these sorts of things…I need to be a bit careful. I mean, she just thinks that it isn’t really real. She respects my beliefs in paganism, but she’s just not a believer at all. It has to be careful then for me, that I don’t cause a problem for her while I’m doing anything in our apartment.

So house spirits are a bit of an interesting thing for me. I’m still trying to work out the logistics of whether I should deal with them, considering my roommate/mother is not involved with anything to do with witchcraft or paganism. I do want to respect her wishes and boundaries, but I am interested in seeing if house spirits are useful for my practice.

Mental Health and Unintended Consequences

I took the last month and a half off of blogging. Sorry about that, but I really needed the time to myself. There were some school-related reasons, and some familial reasons as well. But the main reason for me was that I seriously needed time to myself, to mentally work on my own mental health and to really work on making myself healthy and happier. After all, even though I’ve been on medication for my conditions for quite a few months, I had one that was a bit more difficult to deal with, and I had some major flare-ups of tension and stress this last month. So I took some time off to take care of myself and just focus on getting myself back into a healthy mindset. Continue reading

Rose II

I took my kitty to the vet this morning. She got a lump on her side at the end of December, and I’ve been kind of watching it since (mom too, to be honest). So we finally found a cat hospital in the area, so we took her this afternoon. She hates the vet, majorly. As soon as I went to put her in her carrier, she spazzed out and started snarling at me. I felt awful. But, I got her there, and then met with mom.

Vet gave us good news, which was a huge relief.

The lump on her side might be a tumor. We have to keep an eye on it. If it keeps growing in size over the next 6 months, we have to take her back in. Or if she chews at it, scratches at it, or otherwise shows signs of distress. But, as long as she seems fine, the vet said it is most likely a cosmetic cyst that they won’t mess with, as it is very small, and it isn’t worth the problems to go in and try to remove it. Medically, unless it’s causing Rose trouble, it is actually safer, if it is benign, to leave it alone.

Other good news – she hasn’t lost any weight, which is something to look out for with other cats her age. She’s still just over 6 lbs, and feisty. No change in moods or behaviors, which is great for her age too. But best news, her teeth. Himalayan cats, or cats with Himalayan blood like my fur-baby, usually have bad teeth over the age of 10. Himalayan cats teeth tend to be really bad the older they get, don’t know why, but the vet said so. So he was surprised at the fact she has all of hers, and they’re in pretty much perfect shape, considering we don’t take her to the groomer constantly. But, she’s got perfect little fangs, my little kitty.

All of this means, I get vet-approved permission to spoil my little baby now. He said that since Rose isn’t a “young” cat anymore, we can go ahead and give her canned food more often. At the moment we give her a specific brand, 1 flavor (my cat is a picky little brat, she only likes this 1 type, 1 brand. She hates all other types of canned food, even all the seafood types but this one salmon & whitefish type that we buy) as a special treat, if she’s well behaved. Or rather, that’s what my mom does. I kind of give it to her randomly, whenever I feel like it. So, I gave her a cup of it today after the vet, because we always give her a “special treat” after taking her there or the groomer — she hates both. But, since the vet said we can feed her canned food more often, I get to officially spoil her now. :) — Mom is not so delighted with this prospect I think, because I’m the one who is going to spoil the cat delightedly, because I’m not living in the apartment full-time yet. But…she totally gets to deal with it, because she loves the kitty as much as I do, and she’ll go along with it and spoil Rose too.

Now that I’m not worrying that my baby kitty is sick and going to die from some unknown lump anymore, I’m feeling much better. I’m calmer again and not freaking out. It does feel better to be calm, to know that my little fur-baby is safe and sound. Now, she’ll be around to play with me, curl up in my lap and purr for quite a long time. The family joke is that she’ll live to 30 to spite my mom (which should give us 15 more years of delightful kitty company)!

F – Functionalism in Practice

One of the most common things that pops up in that little “most searched things” in relation to my blog is “functionalism in witchcraft”. Which I’m not quite sure about, since I haven’t quite posted those words all together at once. I don’t know how that came up, but it did come up, so it was rather uniquely interesting. But, it did spark my curiosity to write a post, so I figure, it wasn’t too unusual to add this post to my blog.

I do have the interesting little dichotomy between my “pagan” practices and my “witchcraft” practices. I suppose that stems from some other parts of my personality and mentality, that I like order and function in my life, as I’ve already pointed out. So things work best for me when cleanly ordered and organized in ways that are convenient for myself. The more conveniently organized to my standards, the clearer I find everything to be. I wrote my last functionalism piece in dealing with mostly my daily life. It was not really anything much to do with my practices. That post was a bit more groundwork than anything else.

This time I want to focus on the more specific term that everyone keeps searching for, and on more pertinent examples that seem to draw people to my blog. I like relevance. And it seems people are interested in what I have to say, at least partially here, so I’ll share my personal opinions here.

Functionalism has far more to do with paganism/polytheism for me than it does with witchcraft. I am more fond of functionalism in things that do not require of experimentation. Polytheism for me has more functionalism to do with it than witchcraft does, because there isn’t as much experimentation to be done. There is some, absolutely no denying that fact, but it seems to me, rationally, that there is less experimentation there than in witchcraft practices. Perhaps that is personal bias or ideology, but that is how it has always seemed to me.

Since functionalism is to me based in being rational and functional, what is functional in its place, I don’t like basing anything in my life on this kind of relational thing that can’t actually be determined thus. I mean…experimental relations, such as witchcraft is for me, cannot be totally functional. There will be misfires, things that do not totally go as they should the first time, that go out of place…so it’s not functional, not fully. Therefore, for me, witchcraft is not functional, not as part of my “functionalism” as such. Because things are going to be off at the start, and therefore I cannot see there being, for my practices “functionalism in witchcraft”. It won’t exist, because witchcraft has too many unknowns, too many things that will change and warp, that are dependent upon other factors. That isn’t functional to place within a set and defined system, and therefore cannot then be totally part of any system.

However, polytheism for me can be functional.

In my view, the gods and spirits have various purposes that are unique and necessary within the system to their own. They might overlap at times, and sometimes might seem to contradict. Still, the purposes are set, and they fit within the system. Polytheism is easier to put within the framework of structuralism, which is my way of seeing the world. Things might sometimes clash within the system, but mostly they stay in their usual places. Functionalism in polytheism means, for me, that things have their place and purpose, that they sit where they ought and remain comfortably out of where they ought not. So, if something is certainly not a home spirit, it will not ever be a home spirit, whereas, if it is a god of prosperity, it will act in such a way that goes along that path.

Witchcraft however, is different, because unexpected events can unfold. One might do magic or a spell for one purpose, and unusual results can show up. Or also, as I think, it can show up in unintentional side-effects of sorts. Not always, but since experimentation is essential, things will crop up at times, and unintentional will happen on at least rare occasions.

So functionalism is not, for me, possible, in witchcraft. Experimentation makes it almost impossible in my worldview.

 

Butterflies and the Soul

Butterflies fall under the broad category for me of “bugs”, or those creatures that are icky and bug-ish that I dislike. Now, they aren’t as bad as spiders (I’m severely arachnophobia, as in, I have a full-blown panic attack if anyone even mentions the damned things around me, or even jokes about them being in a room), but I don’t like bugs or insects at all. Insects bother me. Flying ones, crawling ones, walking ones, squirming ones…they all bother me. I don’t even like butterflies. Even though people say I should, since they’re, and I quote “pretty”.

But, even if they are “pretty” bugs/insects/whatever the technical term is, I don’t like them. I never have. Butterflies remind me of moths, and moths remind me of mothballs, and mothballs remind me of dust, and dust collects in webs, and webs are spider webs. And word-associations of any kind with insects lead me inevitably to spiders. Ugh.

Sorry, that got me off-track. Now back on topic again. :)

Glasswinged Butterfly

Glasswing Butterfly

I remember reading somewhere, when I began researching mythology and folklore creatures, that in eastern Europe they thought something different about souls than in western Europe. I was reading about vampires in folklore, and the forms they could take. Of course, I had been reading Dracula by Bram Stoker, and Dracula, the great vampire of the night, took the form of a bat, a wolf, a mist in the night. And Stoker did do research into superstition and folklore of different regions of Europe when writing his book. I mean, the garlic, the iron stakes, the cutting off the heads of the dead…that isn’t all hokum that he made up off the top of his head. Nor are the times of day of power, or the strengths of the vampire, Dracula. The mythology and powers, the legends of the vampire that he attributes to Dracula, his brides, and the vampire lore within Dracula are all rather correct, so Stoker did do at least some research into traditional stereotypes of the time before he put pen to paper, metaphorically speaking.

But I remember reading somewhere that in eastern Europe they believed that it was a different form that “vampires” took in eastern Europe. I believe that it was an article or a book I was reading, said that vampires could take the form of a butterfly in Slavic regions/cultures & folklore, because of something to do with wandering human souls after death. And legends in different regions of Europe differed quite vastly, depending on where one came from. The problem is, I was 7 when I read Dracula, and at 7 I took no real interest in writing down the books or articles names or authors that I was reading all this stuff from. Because, it was all just curiosity. I wasn’t really interested in all the background information about the superstitions, just that there had been research, or even interesting superstitions and cultural traditions that had given Stoker his ideas was interesting enough for me.

So now, 10+ years later, I’m not sure if I’m making up this whole butterflies as an imagining of the dead soul thing or not. Because I can’t find anything academic to confirm my remembering of the reading or not.

But, it always has stuck for me. And so now, years later, I can’t help but imagine that butterflies are souls. Not that every physical butterfly is a soul, that would be beyond insane in my worldview. But…it’s kind of a symbolic thing for me. I can see butterflies as human souls symbolically, more so than I can really see a wolf or a bat as being one after death. I can’t really explain why, there’s no genuine reason, or explainable edge as to why, it just seems to make more sense to me, and it has ever since I read Dracula. Which also sounds awful. Because then it sounds like I say that I think butterflies can represent the human soul because I remember reading it while researching the fictional novel written by Stoker, and it came up that way. And of course, it has some potential ties to vampire folklore. So all the mystical woo-woo factor comes out for that too.

None of that really matters to me.

See, I don’t believe in vampires as such. Never have. Sure, when I was little, I wanted Dracula to be real, because I really wanted my favorite novel to be true (what kid doesn’t? I wanted Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings to be true too). I wanted Harker, van Helsing, Seward, Mina, Quincey and the lot of them to have “rid” the world of his evil. Though that’s an issue in and of itself depending on how you read the Victorian-era novel, but that’s really another blog post. In any case, I never really believed that vampires truly existed.

So I don’t really connect vampires with butterfly-transformation. I connect perhaps butterflies as a potential symbol of the human soul, and perhaps that connects due to an initial reading of Dracula and critiques of Stoker’s research or whatever. Something just kind of stuck in my head back then, telling me that it was correct, that I was right to have the association. It’s stuck with me, and it’s always been right and correct for me to view things this way. I suppose that’s my UPG on butterflies and souls. Because it’s totally unverifiable and I know that it isn’t really a normal thing to have as a connection, but it’s always been stuck in my head, that little voice that tells me I’m right to see it this way.

Always fun when something I dislike (bugs/butterflies) gets attached to something I happen to like (souls).

Rose

Rose

Rose – March 2013

This is my “baby”.

We (and by we, I mean my parents) bought her when I was 7, back in 1998. Her birthday is July 22. We actually got her just a few months after my dad lost his pet, our Chow-Chow, to old age (he was 10, almost 11). Me and my sister had been begging for a kitten for months and months, and my mom finally convinced my dad to let us get the cat. Of course, we promised our parents we’d feed her, clean the litter box, etc etc. But, at 7 and 5, we weren’t all too good at helping out with that stuff. Though we were really good at feeding her treats and spoiling her.

Rose is a Himalayan-Manx. So she’s got the no-tail feature of the Manx breed, but the features of the Himalayan. Her fur is three inches long and very silky. She’s so soft and silky, it’s absolutely unbelievable. This photo doesn’t really do her any justice to just how gorgeous she is. She has the markings of a Siamese though (the Himalayan is a Siamese-Persian cross). So she’s a Blue Point, technically. She’s not quite so sharply featured as a pure-bred Siamese would be, but she also doesn’t have the smushed in face of a Persian — much to my sister’s disappointment and my delight. She’s got gorgeous blue eyes though. They’re a stunning sapphire color that can look lighter at times, or darker.

My baby is also very tiny. She’s only 6 pounds. Which is hilarious if I could find a photo to show how big she is in comparison to another, more “normal”-sized cat (i.e. 10-12ish lbs). Her fur though, which she has an impressive ability to fluff out to great defensive capability, makes her look like a 20-pound cat when she’s upset or angry. The vet says she’s healthy though, and not in any danger. So she’s a tiny little 6-lb fluff-ball of a cat.

Rose 3

Rose – June 2009

She always comes and greets me at the door. And if I don’t put my stuff down and immediately pick her up on getting home, she’ll headbutt me in the shin until I pick her up and give her attention. And when I’m at home, she sleeps in bed with me, curled up at my side, purring and with her nose burrowed into my neck. She’s absolutely the most affectionate cat I know, and just so cute and loving.

She’s my 15-year-old (almost 16) baby, that I adore. She sleeps in my lap when I read, and just generally makes my life more pleasant.